“Doctor says alcoholism is a disease. Bartender says get your shots here”
"Alcoholism is a disease. Get your shots here!" is a jocular bar saying that has been printed on an image. "Bar sign in Casper: Alcoholism is a disease. Get your shots at…
“What drink always has a cold?”/“Cough-ee.”
"Coffee" sounds like "cough-ee." A riddle has been printed on an image: Q: What drink has a cold?A: Cough-ee. "Joke of the week: What drink has a cold? Cough-ee" was…
“A rock walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A rock version is: "A rock walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'We don't…
“Cannibal 1: Your wife makes great soup. Cannibal 2: Yes, but I’ll miss her.”
There's a difference, when a wife "makes soup," between "preparing" the soup and "being in" the soup. A cannibal joke is: Cannibal 1: Your wife makes great soup.…
“I find jello a little off-pudding”
"Off-pudding" is a pun or eggcorn of "off-putting." "A little off-pudding?" was printed in a 2000 newspaper story. "I saw Bill Cosby eating some yogurt and it was…
“Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar—Demerara”
"Demerara" sugar sounds like "them are rarer." "There aren't that many jokes about white sugar. But jokes about brown sugar....demerara! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! credit to…
“I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in Steam”
Steam is a platform for video games. Money often goes "up in smoke," but a video gaming joke is: "I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in…
“What’s larger than a pico de gallo?”/“A kilo de gallo.”
The Mexican dish of "pico de gallo" is not a metric prefix, but there have been jokes. "I got a burrito at lunch just to quip that with the amount of salsa they put on, they should…
“What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?”/“You get light music.”
A music riddle is: Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?A: You get light music. The "light music" pun has been cited in print since at least 1999. 13 July 1999, Home News…
“Fun Fact: There’s more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe”
"Fun Fact: There’s more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe" is a jocular one-line saying about a computer user's relationship with Adobe software.…
“Why did the printer go to the gym?”/“To get toner.”
A gym riddle is: Q: Why did the printer go to the gym?A: To get toner. The joke was posted on Twitter on February 8, 2013, and on Reddit -- Jokes on December 28, 2017. “The man leaned on the…
Twatzi (Twitter + twat + Nazi)
"Twatzi" (Twitter + twat + Nazi) is used to describe an oppressive Twitter (a social networking service), or an oppressive person using Twitter. "Twitter Nazi=twatzi" was posted…
“My father’s answer to everything was alcohol. He didn’t drink; he was just shit at quizzes”
"My father's answer to everything was alcohol. He didn't drink; he was just shit at quizzes" is a jocular saying about alcohol. "I've got a friend whose answer to…
“Why did the otter cross the road?”/“To get to the otter side.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. An otter version is: Q: Why did the otter cross the road?A: To get to…
“What’s water squared?”/“Ice cube.”
An ice "cube" has resulted in some math jokes. "I got water,and water squared;thats water with ice" was posted on Twitter on May 3, 2010. "Is the square root of ice,…
“What do you call a vegetable that’s standing in line?”/“A queuecumber.”
A cucumber has nothing to do with a "queue," but there have been puns. "When you line up to buy a cucumber, what do you call it? Queuecumber" was printed in January 1980…
“Martinis are like women’s breasts. One isn’t enough and three are too many”
"In Boston stingers are post-dinner drinks of which one's not enough and three are too many" was printed in the Boston (MA) Globe on November 11, 1972. The saying usually refers to…
“What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?”/“Tweetie Pie.”
Tweety (or "Tweety Pie") is an animated fictional yellow canary and not an actual pie, but there is a riddle: Q. What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish? A. Tweetie…
“Why was the cannibal looking peeky?”/“Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog.”
A cannibal riddle is: Q: Why was the cannibal looking peeky?A: Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog. That would probably be a Pekingese to make the cannibal feel "peeky." The joke has…
“What happened at the cannibal’s wedding party?”/“They toasted the bride and groom.”
A cannibal riddle is: Q: What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? A: They toasted the bride and groom. The cannibal joke has been cited in print since at least 1990. Google BooksFun…