“I got a new job at the guillotine factory. I’ll beheading there soon”
"beheading" sounds like "be heading." "Going to an interview at a guillotine factory. I'll beheading there soon, maybe!" was posted on Twitter by Jay Gonzales on…
"beheading" sounds like "be heading." "Going to an interview at a guillotine factory. I'll beheading there soon, maybe!" was posted on Twitter by Jay Gonzales on…
An invitation stating "black tie only" means that men must wear a black tie, but not only a black tie. "I got an invite to a wedding that said 'black tie only'. But when I…
A "fast paced working environment" shouldn't be written as "fast paste working environment," but there are jokes. "Fast paste environment" was printed in a…
Putting in extra hours at work -- is that a good or a bad thing? "I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in" is a joke that was posted…
"I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's too bad really... I had a blast working there" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on July 7, 2021. The "blast" pun was more…
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off" went viral on Twitter on November 19, 2010. The one-liner has been included on many jokes…
"Wick ends" can sound a little like "weekends." "Does a trimmer in a candle factory ever work wick ends?" was published in a syndicated joke column in February 1953. A…
The following joke about working part-time was posted on Facebook by Katy Haseley to Home Groan Puns on February 24, 2023: "I got hired today at the comb factory. It’s just part time."…
"Stay positive" usually means to stay optimistic, but for a Covid test to "stay positive" means that the person still has the disease. The original authorship of a popular…
"I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate" (or "I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate") -- a pun on "food poisoning" and…
"I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate" (or "I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate") -- a pun on "food poisoning" and…
"I got so much procrastinating done today" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. "Got up early so I could get more procrastinating done today. Only managed…
"Auto body experience" is a pun on "out-of-body-experience," and there are many jokes. "Did you hear about the clairvoyant who repaired his fender bender? He had an auto…
"I had a life...but my job ate it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. "Bumper sticker of the day: I had a life but my job ate it" was posted to…
"I had a lot of stuff to do today. Now I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow" is a jocular saying about procrastination that has been printed on many images. "I had a lot of stuff to…
"I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore" (or "I had a thought, but unfortunately I had another…
"I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore" (or "I had a thought, but unfortunately I had another…
"I had my patience tested. I'm negative" -- that is, the speaker has no patience -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Dumb…
People sometimes get rude cashiers at stores. This was posted on Facebook by Jim Shaver on December 3, 2020: "I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today. I guess it's my own fault…
Many people use a credit/discount card to scrape off ice from a car windshield. "RT @Noot54: Damn cold this morning! Had to use store discount card to scrape the ice from the car windscreen,…