“How does an apothecary pleasure his wife?”/“Elixir.”
An apothecary riddle is: Q: How does an apothecary pleasure his wife?A: Elixir. "Elixir" sounds like "he licks her." "How does the apothecary make his wife Orgasm?…
“How is it possible that every single book is a #1 New York Times Best Seller?”
The New York (NY) Times has a Book Review section, and it has had a weekly best seller list since October 12, 1931. There are many categories. For many people who buy books, it often seems that…
“How long do chickens work?”/“Around the cluck.”
"Around the clock" is used in a chicken pun as "around the cluck." This version was printed on a 1961 newspaper: Pat: "Is raising chickens hard work?"Mike: "It…
“How long have you been working at that office?”/“Ever since they threatened to fire me.”
An old joke has a new company employee ask an old company employee, "How long have you been working here?" The old employee responds, "Ever since they threatened to fire me."…
“How long have you been working for the company?”/“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”
An old joke has a new company employee ask an old company employee, "How long have you been working here?" The old employee responds, "Ever since they threatened to fire me."…
“How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)
An accountant version of the "lightbulb joke" is: Q: How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?A: How many did it take last year?…
“How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?”/“Why does it have to be a group activity?”
A introvert version of the lightbulb joke is: Q: How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Why does it have to be a group activity? "'How many introverts does it take to…
“How many Lowe’s would Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s”
"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" is a famous tongue twister. Rob Lowe is an American actor, and Lowe's is an American retail company…
“How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1? or 2?”
The traditional lightbulb joke has a popular optometrist version that has been printed on many images. The answer -- 1 or 2? -- is a joke on an optometrist changing lenses and asking this question…
“How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? One of the many questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse”
A lightbulb joke was posted on Facebook by Eddie Dávila (and others) on April 2, 2015: "'How many people does it take to change a light bulb?' ...is just one of the questions I…
“How many people work here?” / “Oh, about half.” (joke)
The question "How many people work here?" (meaning "how many employees are there") and the jocular answer "About half" (meaning "half of the employees work and…
“How much does a bikini wax cost?”/“A Brazilian dollars.”
"Brazilian" (from Brazil) sounds like a large number (billion + gazillion). Several "Brazilian dollars" jokes involve Brazilian waxing, a bikini waxing style invented by the J.…
“How rich are garbage men?”/“Filthy.”
A wealth riddle is: Q: How rich are garbage men?A: Filthy. That is, garbage men are "filthy rich." The joke was posted on Reddit -- ShitJokes on November 9, 2017. Reddit -- ShitJokes…
“How to approach me with your bullshit: don’t”
"How to approach me with your bullshit: don't" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by 1𝓜 on December 12, 2016, but…
“How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it ‘already’ 2:00pm or ‘only’ 2:00pm?”
Someone with a slow work day and who is counting the hours might say that it is "only 2 p.m.," but someone with a busy work day might say that it is "already 2 p.m." A popular…
“However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results”
"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results" is frequently credited to Winston Churchill (1874-1965), but he never said it. The saying first appears from…
“Hubby and I exchanged Valentine’s Day cards at the store. Then we put them back on the rack”
"The wife and I exchanged Valentine's Day cards at the store. Then we put them back on the rack...DONE!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying -- in…
“Humans doing the hard jobs on minimum wage while the robots write poetry and paint…”
Computers can now write poetry and paint pictures -- something human writers and artists used to do. A comment on Twitter by Karl Sharro on May 15, 2023, received over 127,300 likes: "Humans…
“Humans were designed to create. This is why you get depressed when all you do is consume”
"Humans were designed to create. This is why you get depressed when all you do is consume" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Humans were designed to create. This is…
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”
"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less" is a saying that has been printed on many images It has frequently been credited to Irish author C. S. Lewis…