“Four brewery CEOs walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version has four brewery CEOs enter. The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO…
“Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A planet version is: "Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar,…
“Free beer, topless bartenders and false advertising” (bar sign)
"Free beer, topless bartenders and false advertising" is a jocular line that has been written on many bar signs. The bar sign joke was posted on Twitter on February 11, 2011. TwitterKevin…
“Free straw with every drink purchase” (restaurant sign)
"Free straw with every drink purchase" is a jocular saying that has been printed on some restaurant signs. "Get a free straw with EVERY drink purchase!" was posted on Twitter on…
“Fresh Fish Sold Here” (signage joke)
An old story involves the owner of a fish store who painted a new sign, "Fresh Fish Sold Here." A friend objected to the word "here" -- where else was the fish being sold? The…
“From a Hot-Dog to a National Habit” (Nathan’s Famous)
Nathan Handwerker began selling hot dogs at Coney Island in 1916. Now, "Nathan's Famous" hot dogs can be purchased all over America and in some foreign countries. "From a…
“FYI, you pee on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Again my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House this morning”
"FYI, you pee on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Again my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House this morning" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Found out…
“Get me a table near a waiter” (restaurant joke)
The comedian Henny Youngman (1906-1998) was a longtime member of New York Friars Club. When he walked in to the eating area, he'd always use his familiar line: "Get me a table near a…
“Give a man a duck and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to duck and he won’t walk into a bar”
"Duck" can be used as a noun or a verb. "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime" is a famous saying. There are several…
“Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day… Unless he ordered steak, then you’re a shit waiter”
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime" is a popular proverb. "Give a man a fish,and he'll eat for a day.. Unless he…
“Give me a T” (tea joke)
"T" and "tea" sound the same. A "Give me a T" joke -- not, as it turns out, a letter cheer -- has been cited in print since at least October 2015. Sickipedia"Give…
“Go Dutch?”/“OK. ‘Mag ik dan de rekening alstublieft?’”
"Go Dutch" means to share a restaurant bill. A joke was posted on Twitter on December 18, 2011: "I was on a dinner date having finished dessert, I asked for the bill. She said,…
“Going back to your ex is like reheating McDonald’s fries”
French fries at McDonald's fast food restaurants are usually tasteless when reheated. "'You ever make the mistake of reheating McDonald's fries in the microwave? They become…
“Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a crack house for vitamins”
McDonald's specializes in hamburgers. Salads are an afterthought and McDonald's sells very few of them. "Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a crack house for…
“Going to McDonald’s for health food is like going to a crack house for vitamins”
McDonald's specializes in hamburgers. Salads are an afterthought and McDonald's sells very few of them. "Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a crack house for…
“Good Ale, Raw Onions and No Ladies” (McSorley’s Ale House)
"Good Ale, Raw Onions and No Ladies" used to be the slogan of McSorley's Ale House, at 15 East 7th Street. McSorley's has been around since 1854; the Bridge Cafe is older, but…
“Good! Like Nedicks!” (Nedicks Restaurants)
Marty Glickman introduced some sports language, most notably "swis" in basketball. He was the mentor of broadcaster Marv Albert. "Good! Like Nedicks!" was one of Glickman's…
“Groceries are so melodramatic. I took a left turn. I didn’t drop kick you across the back seat, relax”
"Groceries are so melodramatic. I took a left turn. I didn't drop kick you across the back seat, relax" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many people put groceries in…
“Grocery shopping has become a real life version of PAC-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruit”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made grocery shopping a new experience. This was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts -- but later removed by moderators -- on March 22, 2020: "Grocery…
“Grocery store workers ask ‘paper or plastic’ because baggers can’t be choosers”
"Beggar's can't be choosers" is an old proverb. A supermarket joke was printed in the Washington (DC) Post on February 29, 1996: "Checkers at grocery stores always ask…