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February 25, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Denny’s is just Waffle House for people who don’t know how to fight.—Friedrich Nietzsche”

"Denny’s is just Waffle House for people who don’t know how to fight" (or "Denny’s is just Waffle House for people who can't fight") is a saying that has been printed…

February 20, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Descartes walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular philosophy variation is: "René Descartes walks into a bar, see. He orders a…

September 5, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Despite zero experience, I’m opening a BBQ restaurant next to a courthouse. It’ll be Trial by F

A barbecue joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 23, 2021: "Despite zero experience, I’m opening a BBQ restaurant next to the courthouse. It’ll be Trial by Fire."…

June 24, 2024
Food/DrinkRestaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Did you hear about the guy with an irrational fear of buffets? He couldn’t help himself”

An irrational fear of buffets is called "zumgphobia." "You hear about the guy with the irrational fear of buffets? He couldn't help himself" is a joke that was posted on…

October 6, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural”

A Halloween riddle about health food was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor on October 15, 1998: Q: Why do ghosts eat only the finest quality health food?A: Because it's super-natural. A health…

November 10, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Did you hear about the lobster that got the job at Pizza Hut? He works in the crust station”

"Crustacean" sounds like "crust station." "New restaurant idea: The Crust Station, home of the lobster pizza" was posted on Twitter by Alex Mansfield on December 30,…

August 16, 2009
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!”

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!" The "restaurant on the moon" joke appears to date from the early 1970s, just after NASA's…

May 15, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Did you see the arrows?”/“I didn’t even see the Indians!” (one-way store aisle)

Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterStone Faith Patriot@iStonesReplying to @SugarJones@sugarjones You know, the driver's wife was saying the SAME thing! "Didn't u see the…

April 5, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: Do you have a bathroom? Waiter: No, we go outside.”

A house guest (or someone in a restaurant or a store) might ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" This really means, "Where is the bathroom and I can use it now?" However, a literal,…

March 2, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: How long will my spaghetti be? Waiter: I don’t know. We never measure it.”

A joke about ordering spaghetti in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, how long will my spaghetti be?Waiter: I don't know, sir. We never measure it. The joke was printed in American newspapers in…

April 4, 2019
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: I can’t eat this! Call the manager! Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it, either.”

A joke was printed in the Greensboro (NC) Record on October 22, 1925: Diner: "This soup is terrible! Send the manager here right away!"Waiter: "It's no use, sir. He won't…

August 18, 2009
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: I’ve tasted fresher fish. Waiter: Not in here!” (Jewish joke)

A Jewish joke involves a diner (named Frieda or Freda or Miriam or Ethel or Izzy) who complains about a restaurant's food. "I've tasted fresher fish," the diner says. "Not…

April 4, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: Is soup on the menu? Waiter: No, I wiped it off.”

An old restaurant joke about something "on the menu" is: Customer: "Is there any soup on the menu today?"Waiter: "There was, sir, but I just wiped it off." The joke…

June 4, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: There’s a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.”

A restaurant joke is: Diner: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing. The oldest form of the joke was printed in the Anthony (KS)…

August 18, 2009
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: This coffee tastes like mud. Waiter: Well, it was ground this morning!”

A diner at a restaurant complains that the coffee tastes like mud. The waiter remarks: "It should be! It was ground this morning!" This well-known coffee joke (a pun on the noun and the…

July 11, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they’ll be round.”

A joke about ordering pancakes in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they'll be round. The joke was printed in many newspapers in June…

March 13, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round.”

A joke about ordering pizza in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long?Waiter: No, sir, it will be round. The joke was posted to the newsgroup alt.smokers.pipes on November 10, 2003.…

June 5, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Diner: What’s wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don’t ask me. I only laid the table.”

A restaurant joke is: Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table. "Small Girl: 'Where did the funny little eggs come from, do you…

August 26, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Dining In A Rough Restaurant: Hurry, Otherwise Expect Accidents” (“diarrhoea” backronym)

"Diarrhea” ("diarrhoea" is the popular spelling in the UK) is a difficult word to spell. Many people use a backronym (back acronym) or mnemonic. "Dining In A Rough Restaurant:…

December 12, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“Distilled water is just cooked water”

Distilled water is said to be "cooked" water -- with all of the minerals boiled out of it. "@ChristinaNewman a sad thing about D h2o is that all life & vitality is cooked out of…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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