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December 23, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m bringing out a new version of the Band Aid song, ‘Duvet Know It’s Christmas?’ It’s a cover!”

"Do They Know It's Christmas?" (1984) is a song that was written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure and performed by a British and Irish supergroup called Band Aid, in an effort to aid…

March 23, 2018
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.”/“Is that a fret?”

A guitar joke has been printed on several images: "This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’" "Fret" sounds…

February 12, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m in a band called Dyslexia. We’ve just released our greatest shit album”

Bands often release "greatest hits" albums. A joke is: "I'm in a band called Dyslexia. We've just released our greatest shit album." The joke was posted on Twitter on…

September 28, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m in a pirate-themed band. We can’t stop writing hooks”

A pirate joke is: "I'm in a pirate-themed band. We can't stop writing hooks." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 27, 2017. Wikipedia: Captain HookCaptain…

March 27, 2022
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m launching a brass instrument sex fetish site soon. I call it HornPub”

Pornhub is a Canadian-owned internet pornography website. There is no HornPub, but there are jokes. "I'm launching a brass instrument sex fetish site soon. I call it HornPub" was…

December 5, 2022
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m not strange. I’m dramatically different”

"We're not strange. We're dramatically different" and "I'm not strange. I'm dramatically different" and "We are not strange. We are dramatically…

June 2, 2018
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m not sure how people get eaten by sharks. I mean, how do you not hear the music?”

The movie Jaws (1975) features an Academy Award-winning score by American composer John Williams. "I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks. I mean, how do you not hear the…

July 19, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years”

The theremin is a musical instrument that's played without physical contact. A classic joke is: "I'm thinking of selling my theremin. I haven't touched it in years."…

May 8, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m so tempted to do a musical joke. But I’ll refrain”

"Refrain" can be a verb or a noun. "I was going to make a bad music pun, but I'll refrain from doing as such" was posted on Twitter by Morris Dutchley on October 3, 2011.…

September 17, 2014
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’ve got a million of ‘em” (comedy saying)

"I've got a million of 'em" is what Manhattan-born actor and comedian Jimmy Durante (1893-1980) often said after telling a corny joke. The line probably originated in the…

November 19, 2024
Food/DrinkMusic/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’ve joined the local Dyslexia Brass Band. I play the Toblerone”

"Trombone" (a musical instrument in the brass family) shouldn't be confused with "Toblerone" (a Swiss chocolate brand), but there are jokes. "I am so proud of my…

October 12, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’ve just seen a very confusing book—‘Ventriloquism for Dummies’”

The book DOS For Dummies (1991) started a For Dummies series of instructional books. The title "Ventriloquism for Dummies" was suggested on the newsgroup alt.tasteless.jokes on June 2,…

May 4, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m still single on Star Wars Day. Apparently I’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places”

"Lookin' for Love (in all the wrong places)" was a son in the movie Urban Cowboy (1980). "Looking for love in Alderaan places" is a Star Wars movie joke. "Honey,…

October 2, 2025
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/InternetMusic/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’m trying to pick a good film to have on in the background while I look at my phone all night”

Many people watch their phones while they are supposedly watching a movie. This joke was posted on Facebook and X/Twitter by Very British Problems on September 12, 2025 : "I’m trying to pick…

December 7, 2025
Holidays/Events/ParadesMusic/Dance/Theatre/Film/CircusNames/Phrases

“I’m waiting for a reverse Hallmark Christmas Movie about a small town girl who realizes her community’s politics are terrible, moves to Manhattan…”

In a typical Hallmark Channel Christmas movie, the protagonist (a young woman) becomes disillusioned in the big city (such as New York City), and finds the true meaning of Christmas right in her…

September 16, 2021
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I’ve started a band and called it ‘Books.’ So no one can judge us by our covers”

"You can't judge a book by its cover" -- meaning that outward appearance isn't everything -- is a popular proverb. The proverb has nothing to do with song covers, but there are…

April 15, 2005
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“Ice Cream” (1995) (“Butter-Pecan Rican” lyric)

In "Ice cream" (1995) from the album Only built 4 Cuban linx, Raekwon (born Corey Woods; also known as The Chef, Rae, Lex Diamonds) described his favorite flavors. "One love to my…

November 13, 2015
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“If a musical takes off enough clothes in summer, it usually runs through winter”

Life magazine (a New York City humor magazine) in 1921 gave an interesting maxim for musical comedy: "If a musical show takes off enough clothes in the summer it usually runs through the…

October 28, 2018
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“If a psychologist became a hip hop artist, does it make the music ‘shrink rap’?”

People in the psychology industry have long been nicknamed "shrinks." This has nothing to do with "shrink wrap," but there are many puns. "Psychologists convention: shrink…

August 14, 2014
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“If actors are having fun, the audience will have fun, too” (theatre adage)

"If actors are having fun, the audience will have fun, too" is a theatre and film adage of uncertain origin. "The actors are having fun playing their parts and because of their…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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