“I used to be in a band called Gravy and Onions. We covered Meat Loaf”
Meat Loaf is the name of an American singer, and, of course, there are "meatloaf" jokes. "I'm thinking about starting a band called Gravy... We're just gonna cover Meat…
“I used to date an opera singer, but it didn’t work out. She was all mi, mi, mi”
Opera singers sometimes rehearse with "mi, mi, mi" ("me, me, me"). "Old gag: Do you have to practise your opera singing so loud? You're so selfish. It's all ME ME…
“I used to play the triangle in a reggae band, but left because it was just one ting after another”
"Life is just one thing after another" is a common saying. "I had to quit my job as quality control manager at the triangle factory It was just one ting after another" is a…
“I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey, but I turned myself around”
The Hokey-Pokey dance has the singer explain to the dancers: “You put your (leg/arm) in, you put your (leg/arm) out, you put your (leg/arm) in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey-Pokey…
“I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me”
"I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists. . .…
“I was thinking about going to the Metropolitan Opera, but I am Met-averse”
The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City if often called "the Met." The Metropolitan Opera at New York's Lincoln Center is also called "the Met." Are people who…
“I was thrown out of music school for plagiarism. I wasn’t stealing songs; I was just taking notes”
"Taking notes" usually means "making notes," not "taking" or "stealing" them. Several jokes involve music school and music "notes." "I once…
“I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a piano…”
An "orchestrated attack" is not necessarily an attack by an orchestra, but there are jokes. "I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a…
“I watched a film where a guy poured meat juices over a nonfiction book. It’s baste on a true story”
Many dramatic works are "based on a true story." If that story involves food, maybe it's "baste on a true story"? The pun was printed in the book Ridiculous Riddles (2003)…
“I watched a movie about graphs. The special f(x) were terrible”
The mathematical term "f(x)" sounds like the word "effects." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 17, 2019: "I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I…
“I watched this play at a disadvantage—the curtain was up” (Broadway saying)
A good seat in a theater can sometimes add to the enjoyment of the entertainment; a bad seat can make the stage difficult to see or hear. A famous theatrical saying (cited in print since at least…
“I went to a strip club for blind people. The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching”
"You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin’" is a lyric in the song "Come from the Heart" (1987). The meaning is to dance uninhibited. "Business idea: Strip club for…
“I went to Dan’s cafe, but was put off by the non-stop George Michael music. I’m never going to Dan’s again”
A joke on George Michael's song "Careless Whisper" (1984) was posted on Facebook by Tom Whiteman on July 3, 2018: "I popped in to a place called Dan's Cafe for a bite to…
“I wish I could do stand-up comedy, but I always punch up the fuckline”
"Punch up the fuckline" is a spoonerism for "fuck up the punchline." "My mates tell me that I'm shit at telling jokes. I always punch up the fuck line" was posted…
“I won’t go to Macy’s any more, more, more” (jump-rope jingle, 1938)
"I won't go to Macy's any more, more, more" is a New York City "jump rope jingle" that involves Macy's department store. It has been cited in print since at least…
“I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think ‘I’d tap that’”
"I'd tap that" is a sexual saying; it has nothing to do with tap dancing, but there have been jokes. "I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think…
“I wonder if the guy who coined the term ‘One Hit Wonder’ came up with any other phrases”
The term "one-hit wonder" was popularized in the 1950s and commonly refers to a recording artist who has one big recording hit, but no other ones. It's not known who coined…
“I write songs about sewing machines. I’m a Singer songwriter”
The Singer Corporation makes sewing machines. Of course, there are jokes about musical singers. "#wokeupthismorning to compose another ditty about an old-fashioned sewing machine. That's…
“I’d go to a strip club, but it’s always the same old thong and dance”
"Song and dance" is a New York slang phrase that dates to the 19th century. Strips clubs give the same old "thong and dance." "Thong bikinis and nude dance clubs (same old…
“I’d like to thank my parents for making this possible and my children for making it necessary”
Danish and American pianist and comedian Victor Borge (1909-2000) was cited in a February 1958 newspaper for ending his performance with this jocular line: "I want to thank my parents for…