“If you have a message, call Western Union” (theatre adage)
Playwrights and screenwriters are often cautioned against sending a political message in their dramatic scripts; the public wants entertainment, not a lecture. "Not one of those…
“If you have to purchase a VIP ticket for an event, you probably aren’t an actual VIP”
Many events sell more expensive "VIP" (very important person) tickets. The tickets might offer advantages such as better seating or a pass backstage. An observation was posted on Reddit…
“If you remember the ‘60s, you weren’t really there”
The decade of the 1960s was known in the United States for drug use and music festivals such as Woodstock (held August 15–18, 1969, in Bethel, New York). "EXIT LINE: Comedian Charlie…
“If you stay at the table long enough, the chips come to you”
American actress Marilyn Cooper (1934-2009) made her Broadway debut in the chorus of Mr. Wonderful (1956); the following year, she was cast in West Side Story (1957). When Cooper won the Tony award…
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance”
"If you stumble, make it part of the/your dance" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. "If you stumble, make it part of your dance" was cited on…
“If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why”
A trumpet is played by blowing it, not sucking it. A joke was posted on Twitter by Eric Martin on June 7, 2011: "If you suck at playing the trumpet, that is probably why." TwitterEric…
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you” (theatre adage)
Playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) is credited with saying, "If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you." Shaw…
“If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue”
A joke about yodeling was posted on Twitter by MꙬse Allain on April 18, 2016: "If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly queue (orderly orderly orderly…
“If you’ve heard one bagpipe song, you’ve heard them both”
Many people believe that bagpipe tunes all sound the same. "When you've heard one bagpipe tune, you've heard them both" was printed in the time travel novel From Time to Time…
“Imagine the audience naked” (theatre saying)
"Imagine the audience naked" (or "imagine the audience in their underwear") is advice that some people give to someone who is scared on the stage, such as a frightened actor or…
“In what key does the ghost play piano?”/“In the spoo-key.”
A ghost riddle about music was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on July 4, 2017: Q: In what key does the ghost play piano?A: In the spoo-key. Reddit -- 3amjokesIn what key does the ghost play piano?…
“Indie music is just yodeling, but in cursive”
Various types of music have been compared to cursive writing -- flowing and elegant, but sometimes difficult to understand. "Opera's like singing in cursive" was posted on Twitter by…
“Interviewer: Your resume says you used to be in the theatre” (joke)
Some people put experience in the theatre (such as acting experience) on a résumé. A joke was posted on Twitter by FROVO on November 29, 2015: [interview]So your resume says you used to be in the…
“Irving Berlin has no place in American music. He IS American music”
American composer and lyricist Irving Berlin (1888-1989) wrote many famous songs. American critic and commentator Alexander Woollcott (1887-1943) wrote the article "The Story of Irving…
“It takes ten years to become an overnight success”
An entertainment hit could make any performer an "overnight success," but the performer usually had struggled many years to achieve that success. "It takes 10/20 years to become an…
“It turns out that Michael Jackson’s moonwalk was faked on a sound stage in Burbank, California”
Moon landing conspiracy theories have been popular, and there have been jokes that Michael Jackson's famous "Moonwalk" dance was also faked. "RT @stephanathome: I believe…
“It’s easier to get to the top than it is to stay there”
"It's easier to get to the top than it is to stay there" is a popular saying in entertainment, sports and business. "It is much easier to reach the top of the ladder than it is…
“It’s not multiple personality disorder, it’s a theatre degree!”
"It's not multiple personality disorder, it's a theatre degree!" (also given as "I don't have a multiple personality disorder. It's a theater degree" and…
“It’s only poetry if it’s from the Poet region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling whine”
"Champagne" is sometimes used as a generic term for sparkling wine, but legally, it must come from the Champagne wine region of France. A wine/whine joke was posted on Twitter by joel…
“It’s showtime at the Apollo” (Harlem’s Apollo Theater)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Showtime at the ApolloShowtime at the Apollo (formerly It's Showtime at the Apollo and Apollo Live) (originally syndicated) is a music television show,…