“I thought a gyroscope helped you find Greek food”
"Gyro" (a Greek food) and "gyroscope" a measuring device) are not the same thing and are usually not pronounced the same, but there are jokes. "New iPhone 4 adds a…
“I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into cheese sauce, but it was a queso mistaken identity”
"Queso" (Spanish for "cheese") can sound like "case of." "It was a queso mistaken identity" was posted on the newsgroup rec.outdoors.fishing.fly on December…
“I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator”
"I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator" -- that is, the person ate too much and can't fit into the same clothes -- is a jocular saying that…
“I threw out animal crackers because the box said, ‘Do not consume if seal is broken’”
A box of animal crackers often has a "seal" cracker. A joke was posted on the newsgroup comp.databases.informix on August 17, 1993: "'I bought a box of animal crackers. It said,…
“I tied all of my spaghetti together whilst I was drunk last night and ended up skipping dinner”
If you tie up spaghetti, does it become a jump rope? "I got bored last night, so I tied all of my spaghetti together. I ended up skipping dinner" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by…
“I told my wife a husband is like fine wine; he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar”
American stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) told a now classic joke about husbands and wives. "I told my wife a man is like good wine; he gets better with age. So she locked me…
“I told my wife a man is like good wine; he gets better with age. So she locked me in the cellar”
American stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) told a now classic joke about husbands and wives. "I told my wife a man is like good wine; he gets better with age. So she locked me…
“I told myself I should stop drinking… But i’m not about to listen to some drunk”
"I told myself I should stop drinking… But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was…
“I took a baking class. The final was a piece of cake”
"Piece of cake" means something easy. There's a pun: "I took a baking class. The final was a piece of cake." "Time for my Baking class mid term. Should be a piece of…
“I took my wife to an orchard for her birthday. Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she wanted”
An Apple Watch is not the same as watching apples, but there are jokes. "The only 'Apple watch' I'll be doing this autumn is at an orchard #amirite" was posted on Twitter…
“I tried cooking with wine. After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen”
"I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night, after 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen!" is a jocular wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I tried making a candlelit dinner. I think it would have cooked quicker in the oven”
A “candlelit dinner” usually has candles on the dinner table. The meal is usually not cooked with candles, but there are jokes about that. "Going out tonight for a candlelit dinner. Surely…
“I tried starting my day without coffee once… My court date is pending”
"I tried starting a/my day without coffee once... My court date is pending" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Tried starting the day without coffee…
“I tried taking everything in life with a grain of salt. After using up two bags of salt I gave up”
To take something "with a grain of salt" is an expression meaning that one views it with skepticism. "I tried taking everything in life with a grain of salt, but after using up two…
“I tried to change my password to ‘beefstew,’ but it wasn’t stroganoff”
"Stroganoff" sounds like "strong enough," and a pun is: "I tried to change my password to 'beefstew,' but it wasn't stroganoff." The joke was posted on…
“I tried to force-feed our son when my wife said, ‘Use the fricking spoon. You’re not a Jedi’”
"Force-feeding" doesn't involve the "Force" from the
“I tried to say no to vodka, but it’s 40% stronger than me”
"I tried to say no to vodka, but it's 40% stronger than me" is a jocular one-line vodka saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 6,…
“I tried to share a bag of potato chips with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench” (joke)
A joke about the homeless is: "I tried to share some chips with a homeless guy in the park last night. He told me to fuck off and get my own." The joke was posted on Twitter on April 10,…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors”
"I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am trying my best to be a good girl and avoid…