“Don’t drink and drive—you might hit a bump and spill your drink”
"Don't drink and drive -- you might hit a bump and spill your drink" is a jocular saying that has been printed on gift items, such as T-shirts, bumper stickers and posters. The…
“Don’t drink to drown your sorrows—sorrows know how to swim”
"Don't drink to drown your sorrows -- sorrows know how to swim" is a humorous saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and bumper stickers. The "Ask Ann…
“Don’t drink with ghosts. They can’t handle their boos”
"Boos" sounds like "booze," prompting the pun: "Don't drink with ghosts. They can't handle their boos." The joke has been cited on Twitter since December 9,…
“Don’t eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food”
"Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food" is a saying that has been printed on many images. American author Michael Pollan said this in an interview…
“Don’t eat radioactive food. You’ll get atomic ache”
"Atomic ache" sounds a bit like "a tummy ache." "Eating uranium can cause atomic ache" was posted on the newsgroup Google Groups: rec.humor on April 22, 1991.…
“Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to put in”
"Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to put in. You measure that shit with your heart" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Don’t ever let…
“Don’t feed me bullshit and tell me it’s ice cream”
"Don't feed me bullshit/crap/manure/shit and tell me it's ice cream" means "Don't give me something bad and tell me it's a special treat." The expression has…
“Don’t feed me crap and tell me it’s ice cream”
"Don't feed me bullshit/crap/manure/shit and tell me it's ice cream" means "Don't give me something bad and tell me it's a special treat." The expression has…
“Don’t feed me manure and tell me it’s ice cream”
"Don't feed me bullshit/crap/manure/shit and tell me it's ice cream" means "Don't give me something bad and tell me it's a special treat." The expression has…
“Don’t feed me shit and tell me it’s ice cream”
"Don't feed me bullshit/crap/manure/shit and tell me it's ice cream" means "Don't give me something bad and tell me it's a special treat." The expression has…
“Don’t forget to buy your Halloween candy early so you have time to buy more after you eat it all”
"Don't forget to buy your Halloween candy early so you have time to buy more after you eat it all" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was printed on…
“Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant”
"Don't forget to drink water and get some sun. You're basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Don’t forget to pick up wine for Mother’s Day. After all, you are one of the reasons she drinks”
"Don't forget to pick up a bottle of wine for your Mom for Mother's Day. Afterall, you are one of the reasons she drinks" is a wine saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Don’t forget to set your scales back 10 pounds tonight”
"Remember to set your scale back 10 lbs. this week" (or "Don’t forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds Wednesday night at 1 am for Thanksgiving") -- a joke about…
“Don’t get your Snickers in a Twix”
The expression "get one's knickers in a twist" shouldn't be confused with "Snickers in a Twix," but there are jokes. Snickers and Twix are chocolate bars.…
“Don’t guess—soil test” (farming adage)
"Don't guess -- soil test" is a slogan that has been used in farming, and also for home lawns and gardens. Soil should be tested to see what fertilizer is required. "Don't…
“Don’t judge a cook by his blubber”
“Never trust a skinny chef” is an old saying. The implication is that the chef doesn't want to eat the food that he makes. "Don't/Never judge a book by its cover" is a…
“Don’t let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guac, baby girl. Guac”
Salsa is usually free at restaurants, but guacamole usually costs extra. "Don't let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guac/guacamole, baby. Guac/Guacamole" is a jocular…
“Don’t let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guacamole, baby. Guacamole”
Salsa is usually free at restaurants, but guacamole usually costs extra. "Don't let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guac/guacamole, baby. Guac/Guacamole" is a jocular…
“Don’t let the government take away your favorite side dish. They’re trying to disenfrenchfries you”
"Disenfranchise" -- meaning "to deprive someone of a franchise, generally their right to vote" -- has nothing to do with french fries, but there are jokes. "I had to break…