“I’m not homophobic. I’m not afraid of my house!”
A person who is "homophobic" has a fear of homosexuals, but there's a joke: "I'm not homophobic. I'm not afraid of my house!" English comedian and actor Peter Kay…
“I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing. The neighbors want it back”
There's a difference between "fencing" (a sport) and "fencing" (that goes around a house), but there are jokes. "I've been bored recently so I've decided to…
“I’ve grown to hate low ceilings”
"I've grown to hate low ceilings" is a jocular one-line saying that takes the expression "grown to hate" with literal physical growth. "I've grown to hate low…
“I’ve just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen I’m not covered”
A "blanket" insurance policy provides complete coverage -- or doesn't it? "I've just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen in the middle…
“I’ve just released my own fragrance. But no one in this elevator seems to like it”
"I’ve just released my own fragrance, Nobody in the bus/car/elevator/train seemed to like it" i a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker just let out…
“I’ve never taken an elevator to the basement floor. That’s just beneath me”
"I've never taken an elevator to the basement floor. That's just beneath me" is a pun that was posted on the website Pun of the Day on November 22, 2012. A BuzzFeed article in…
“I’ve never understood the point in fire blankets” (joke)
Fire blankets, like fire extinguishers, are used in many buildings. The blankets are used to retard fire -- not to keep people warm. A joke from someone who doesn't understand about fire…
“I’ve reached the age where I appreciate a nice handrail”
"I've reached the age where I appreciate a nice handrail" (or "I'm at the age where I appreciate a nice handrail") is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’m trying to teach my self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house”
Many people wonder why a self-cleaning over can't clean the rest of the kitchen, or the rest of the house. "Why hasn't anyone taken the idea of 'self-cleaning oven' and…
“I’m so strong I can lift buildings! Well, only if it’s a lighthouse”
A weightlifting joke was posted on Twitter on May 6, 2014: Stranger: You can lift a house? Me: Yep.Stranger: Wow, you must be strong.Me: Nah, it's a light house. "I'm so strong I can…
“I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex”
"Complex" can mean (1) complicated, (2) a psychological fixation, and (3) a group of buildings. One can have a "complex complex complex." The "complex" pun has been…
“If a homeless person makes something it’s not homemade”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- ShowerthoughtsPosted by u/GameIvan46 April 22, 2020If a homeless person makes something it's not homemade
“If all the toilets in your house are occupied and you are waiting for one to be free…”
"Practical advice: If all the toilets in your house are occupied and you are waiting for one to be free, switch off the wi-fi" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If I die after I pay my rent, sit me on the couch till da 30th”
"if i die after i pay my rent, i want y’all to put my body up on the couch until the 31st of the month. need to get my money’s worth" was posted on Twiter by saint like laurent on May…
“If I die right after I pay my rent, sit me on my couch ‘til the 31st”
"if i die after i pay my rent, i want y’all to put my body up on the couch until the 31st of the month. need to get my money’s worth" was posted on Twiter by saint like laurent on May…
“If I get pushed in a pool this summer I’m not swimming back up, enjoy your murder charge. Now everybody’s summer ruined”
At a pool, young adults often throw others into the pool. It is usually meant to be harmless fun. "If i get pushed in a pool this summer I’m not swimming back up, enjoy ya murder charge…
“If it doesn’t look good, don’t put it on your front porch”
"If it doesn't look good, don't put it on the/your front porch" appears to be a real estate adage (make your house look the best), but is usually a Southern mother's advice…
“If my cat makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my dog makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they’d leave that one on, too”
Children leave lots of lights on. "If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on, too" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "If my…