“I just sprayed fruit scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus”
A citrus air freshener sprayed in the bathroom can wind up smelling like "shitrus" (shit + citrus). "Shitrus" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on January 23, 2008.…
“I just totally misunderstood the meaning of ‘Strip Mall’ & could one of you guys send bail money?”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but there are jokes. "Apparently, I misunderstood the meaning of “strip mall.” Can someone bring me…
“I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars break in during the night they will not wake me up”
"I keep all my valuables near the front door so if a burglar breaks in during the night they won't wake me up" was posted on X/Twitter by Tony P. on September 24, 2013. "I keep…
“I keep shouting out the names of castles. I think I’ve got Turrets”
Tourette syndrome shouldn't be confused with "turret," but there are jokes. "I have developed Turrets Syndrome. I inappropriately and inadvertantly shout out names of castles…
“I know it’s irrational, but it bothers me when someone parks in front of my house to go visit my next door neighbor”
Many people who live on a quiet residential street don't like it when someone parks in front of their house (and who isn't coming to their house). The homeowner regards the space as…
“I left my self cleaning oven open overnight to see if it would do the rest of the kitchen”
Many people wonder why a self-cleaning over can't clean the rest of the kitchen, or the rest of the house. "Why hasn't anyone taken the idea of 'self-cleaning oven' and…
“I like to play chess with old men in the park…although it’s hard to find 32 of them”
There is a difference between playing chess against people and playing chess with people (for example, human chess pieces). American stand-up comedian Emo Philips said in a November 2009 interview:…
“I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes”
Many people put up Christmas decorations in stages. "I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes" was…
“I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with snacks and stare at the boxes”
Many people put up Christmas decorations in stages. "I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes" was…
“I live in a two-story house” (marriage/divorce joke)
A "story" is a floor of a building, but there are several puns on another meaning of the word. A marriage joke was published on the newsgroup rec.humor on APril 10, 1993: A man is…
“I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home”
"I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker clearly likes being at home.…
“I love elevator etiquette. Absolutely no expectation to make small talk with other people. Everyone just stares at a wall in silence”
There is etiquette in an elevator that people should stare at the wall. This was posted on X/Twitter by slate (the account is now private) on January 15, 2023, and on Bluesky by slate on November…
“I love going outdoors. It’s much safer than going out windows”
"I love going outdoors. It's much safer than going out windows" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Out windows" is sometimes written as…
“I love going outdoors. It’s much safer than going outwindows”
"I love going outdoors. It's much safer than going out windows" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Out windows" is sometimes written as…
“I love snow…until I have to shovel it”
What type of person loves the snow? "i love snow, until i have to shovel it!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Franco Campanella on December 6, 2009. "i love the snow... that is until i…
“I love the snow…until I have to shovel it”
What type of person loves the snow? "i love snow, until i have to shovel it!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Franco Campanella on December 6, 2009. "i love the snow... that is until i…
“I might sleep in the spare bedroom tonight and pretend I’m in a hotel” (quarantine joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home. "Might Stay In The Spare Bedroom Tonight And Pretend I'm In A Hotel..." was posted on Facebook by Daniel…
“I misunderstood the meaning of ‘strip mall’ and now I’m not allowed back”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but there are jokes. "Apparently, I misunderstood the meaning of “strip mall.” Can someone bring me…
“I moved into a bungalow. I wanted a house, but that’s another story”
A "story" ("storey" in the United Kingdom) is another floor of a building. One joke is: "I moved into a bungalow recently. Was going to move into a house, but that's…
“I moved into an apartment over a bank. My assets over five million dollars”
A money joke was told by The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston) on television's The Gong Show (1976-1980): "I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars." The…