"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. "If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted" is a jocular variation that…
"If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If Something Here Offends You, Please Let Us Know,…
"If these walls could talk" is said of old buildings, or buildings where famous or infamous things happened. "The stately walls, which, if walls could speak, would unfold many a sad…
"Communication is key" is a saying; it doesn't refer to an actual key that opens locks, but there are jokes. "If communication is the key...we are locked out" was posted on…
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterDaniPete@mrsdanipetersonI'm pretty confident there is no graceful way to get out of a hammock.4:44 PM · Jun 24, 2013·Twitter for Android TwitterAndrea…
"Give a weed an inch and it will take a yard" (or "If you give a weed an inch, it will take a yard") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. This is a…
Many homes have garden gnomes. Homes that do not have them are "gnomeless." "It you lose a garden gnome are you gnomeless? #themoreyouknow" was posted on Twitter by The Knower…
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterBob Kostic@causticbobIf you put holy water in a humidifier it turns the room into a gas chamber for vampires.6:13 PM · Jun 2, 2023
Both "watching paint dry" and "watching grass grow" are classically unexciting things; sometimes these activities are combined. "Any day now... Its like watching fruit…
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie" (or "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat") is a popular sign displayed in many…
Many devices (microwave, TV, laptop, smartphone) in the household can spy on people. "If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for…
"If you're in a cold room, go stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees" is a geometry joke that has been printed on many images. "Why do Aggies/blondes stand in the corner when…
"If you've got it, haunt it" is a Halloween saying that has been printed on many images. "That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!" is a famous…
"When you've seen one lion clawing a tourist at the zoo, you've seen a maul" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on February 11, 1995. "Seen a maul" is a pun on…
"If your couch isn’t against a wall you are unimaginably rich" was posted on Twitter by conntent mcnett on October 3, 2019. That is, if a couch is not against a wall, the room is not…
Some houses don't have a mailbox -- just a mail slot in the front door. "If your front door has a mail slot, then you live in a mailbox" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on…
"Imagine having your own apartment and nobody ever comes over" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many young adults want an apartment to be away from their parents, and to…
"In Case of Fire: Please leave the building before posting it on social media" is a sign that has been posted on many images. "In case of fire - exit building before posting on…
"In Case of Fire: Please leave the building before posting it on social media" is a sign that has been posted on many images. "In case of fire - exit building before posting on…