“I come from a long line of conga dancers”
A dancer doing some genealogy might pun: "I come from a long line of conga dancers." The joke was cited on Sickipedia in 2010 and was first cited on Twitter on March 28, 2010. Wikipedia:…
Food/Drink
“I come from a town where a traffic jam is 4 cars behind a tractor”
"I come from a town where a traffic jam is 4 (or 3, or 5, or 6 -- ed.) cars behind a tractor" is a jocular saying about a small town that has been printed on many images. "I come…
“I come from a town where a traffic jam is 5 cars behind a tractor”
"I come from a town where a traffic jam is 4 (or 3, or 5, or 6 -- ed.) cars behind a tractor" is a jocular saying about a small town that has been printed on many images. "I come…
“I come from mixed race parents. My dad was a hurdler and my mom a sprinter”
"Mixed race parents” usually does not involve running, but there are jokes. "My mate's mam is a hurdler, but his dad is a sprinter. Will they be deported for being a mixed race…
“I consider myself a moral person. That’s why I only eat turkeys that have exhausted appeals”
The president of the United States traditionally pardons one turkey just before Thanksgiving. American television host and comedian Conan O'Brien posted this joke on Twitter on November 26,…
“I consider page 2 of Google results the dark web”
What is the dark web? It's a mysterious part of the web that is not indexed. However, to many, the dark web is Google search page two (where they never go). "I suspect 'the dark…
“I consider sex a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get”
"I consider sex a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get" (or "Sex is a misdemeanor. De more I miss de meaner I get") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I continued the cycle of my own oppression today” (“I voted” sticker parody)
"I continued the cycle of my own oppression today" (made to look like the "I voted" sticker) is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (shown on a sticker)…
“I correct auto correct more than auto correct corrects me”
"I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This makes autocorrect mostly useless. "all the timeeee!…
“I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me”
"I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This makes autocorrect mostly useless. "all the timeeee!…
“I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved”
"I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved" ( or "I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved") is a saying that has been printed on several…
“I could be a morning person if my coffee maker brewed wine instead of coffee”
"I could be a morning person if my coffee maker brewed wine instead of coffee" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on March…
“I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon”
"I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I could be a morning person . . . If morning…
“I could burn water” (i.e., I can’t cook)
A bad cook burns the food, but an epically bad cook "can burn water." "Cpl. Agarn (on the television comedy F-Troop -- ed.), who can burn water, becomes the troop cook, with…
“I could only afford a second hand calculator and the ‘X’ button was missing. Times were hard”
The saying "times were hard" usually has nothing to do with multiplication, but there are jokes. "I was never privileged at school, I had to use a second-hand calculator which had…
“I could see every ketchup bottle in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20”
Heinz dominates the market for ketchup, and there are several puns about "Heinz sight" (hindsight). "If hindsight is 20/20, does that make Heinz-sight 57/57?" was cited in 1999.…
“I could sing a verse for you. But I’ll refrain”
"Refrain" can be a verb or a noun. "I was going to make a bad music pun, but I'll refrain from doing as such" was posted on Twitter by Morris Dutchley on October 3, 2011.…
“I could use a foot massage, 3 donuts, and an orgasm”
"I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an orgasm" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. “@NaughtyFacts: I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an…
“I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an orgasm”
"I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an orgasm" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. “@NaughtyFacts: I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an…
“I could use a foot massage, four donuts, and an orgasm”
"I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an orgasm" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. “@NaughtyFacts: I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an…