Some jobs provide temptations. Who can resist popping a bubble wrap? "Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed" and "I can’t even imagine…
"I can't resist coffee. But then again, why would I?" is a coffee saying that was posted by Fire Dept. Coffee on both X/Twitter and on Facebook on August 14, 2023. X/Twitter Fire…
"I can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape - I don’t even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard" is a computer keyboard joke that was…
The term "high and mighty" doesn't necessarily refer to a bodybuilder on weed, but there are jokes. "Most of my peeps smoke weed after they hit the gym, thinking they all high…
"I cannot be friends with money anymore. We both leaving the house same time but is only me coming back home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I cannot be…
When you "tell time" you're not speaking to time, but there are jokes. "How do I tell time when clocks have no ears?" was posted on Reddit -- Shittyaskscience on March 7,…
"I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy" is a pro-gun slogan that has been printed on many gift items, such as bumper stickers, T-shirts and posters. The saying has been cited in print…
"I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy" is a gun rights saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was printed in The Spokesman-Review (Spokane, WA) on August 9, 2007 and…
"I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. April 20th (4/20) is "420 Day," a celebration of…
"I only celebrate Cinco de Mayo so I get can drunk enough to forget yesterday's non-stop 'May the Fourth' jokes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an ecard.…
American comedian Jon Stewart said on The Jon Stewart Show: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and…
"I changed my password to 'incorrect.' So that whenever I forget, it will tell me, 'Your password is incorrect'" is a jocular computer saying that has been printed on…
A computer joke was posted on Twitter on October 13, 2010: "I changed the name of my hard drive to 'that thang', so once a month, my computer asks me if i wanna back that that thang…
To "waterproof" a house is to make sure that no water gets inside. To "childproof" a house, however, means that the house is a safe environment for children. A popular joke is:…
“I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was 'I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me'" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was 'I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me'" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images.…
There are two jokes about "cleaning the attic with my/the wife." The first version was posted to the newsgroup alt.quotations on November 26, 1993 and has been credited to British…
The letter "e" has several riddles. This was printed in The Lady's Magazine in December 1787: "THE beginning of eternity,The end of time and space,The beginning of every end,And…
Many magicians have performed the "sawing a woman in half" trick. A joke was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 23, 2014: "I belong to a family of failed…
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage" was said by American humorist Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) about the cooking of her mother, Erma Haines Harris. "I come from a…