“To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you. I have contacts”
"Contact lenses" shouldn't be confused with "contacts," but there are jokes. "Someone stole my glasses. I will find you. I have my contacts" was posted on Twitter…
Alphebetical for "t"
“To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now”
A joke about queues was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on September 20, 2021: "To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now." That is, the speaker is now standing…
“To the right of Ivan the Terrible/ Attila the Hun/ Genghis Khan”
There is a political right and a political far right. To be politically "to the right of Ivan the Terrible" (or "to the right of Attila the Hun" or "to the right of Genghis…
“To the victor belongs the spoils” (Spoils System)
"To the victor belongs the spoils" is the famous quote by New York Senator William Learned Marcy (1786-1857), recited in the U. S. Senate, 25 January 1832. The "spoils system"…
“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world”
"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. "To the world you may be one person, but to one…
“To the world, you may just be one crazy vegan. To the animals, you are their only hope”
"To the world, you may just be one crazy vegan. To the animals, you are their only hope" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "To the world, you may just be one…
“To those turning in your neighbors and local businesses, you did the reich thing”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic saw governments use "snitches get rewards/riches programs. Some people countered with an image of Nazi leader Adolf Hitler and a reference to the Third…
“To thrive in life you need three bones: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone”
"To thrive in life you need three bones... A wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone " is a saying that has been printed on many posters and frequently credited to American country music…
“To trot or not to trot, that is equestrian”
"To be, or not to be, that is the question" is the opening phrase of a soliloquy by Prince Hamlet in William Shakespeare's play Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1. Several jokes replace…
“To try when there is little hope is to risk failure. Not to try at all is to guarantee it”
"If you try, you risk failure. If you don’t, you ensure it" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "To try when there is little hope…
“To understand paranoid people better, follow them around”
"Understand paranoid people better by following them around" (or "To understand paranoid people better, follow them around") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“Toast is just bread jerky”
Bagels, baguettes, breadsticks, crackers, croutons, pizza crust and toast have all been called "bread jerky." "Toast is just bread jerky, you silly fux. I am eatin' toast"…
“Toast is just soft bread that has been hurt before”
What is toast? This was posted on Twitter by Paula Pell on February 20, 2015: "Toast is just soft bread that has been hurt before." “Toast is just twice-baked bread” is a similar…
“Toast is just twice-baked bread”
"Have we ever considered that toast is 'twice-baked' bread?" is a question that was published in a 2011 book. "Has anybody else ever realized that toast is just twice baked…
“Toasters are like tanning beds for bread”
"Toasters are like tanning beds for bread" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Global Toaster - Tanning Just Like a Slice of Bread in a Toaster" was…
“Toasters should have a window so you can see how toasted your bread is before it burns”
"Toasters should have a window so you can see how toasted your bread is before it burns" was posted on Twitter by Danny on July 26, 2018. "Why the fuck don’t toasters have a window…
“Toasters were the first pop-up notification”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- Shower ThoughtsToasters were the first pop-up notification.November 18, 2016 by henhen3000 TwitterJim Martin@DealzzOfTheDayToasters were the first pop-up…
“Tobacco, beer, and whiskey all come from plants. I think I might be a vegetarian”
"Tobacco, beer, and whiskey all come from plants. I think I might be a vegetarian" are sayings that have been printed on many images. "Tobacco, beer and whiskey are all made from…
“Tobacco, weed, beer and whiskey are all made from plants… I think I might be a vegetarian!!”
"Tobacco, weed, beer and whiskey are all made from plants... I think I might be a vegetarian!!" (also "Beer, whiskey & weed are all made from plants... I think I might be a…
“Today a peacock, tomorrow a feather duster” (business axiom)
"Today a peacock, tomorrow a feather duster" is an old reminder that success can be fleeting. A rooster replaces the peacock in some versions of the saying. "Peacock Today,…