“This mom runs on coffee, wine & Amazon Prime”
"This house runs on coffee, wine and Amazon Prime" (also "This mom runs on coffee, wine and Amazon Prime," "I run on coffee, wine and Amazon Prime" and "Coffee,…
Alphebetical for "t"
“This Monday is sponsored by coffee”
"Today's/This Monday is sponsored by coffee" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Today's Monday is sponsored by extra strong iced coffee with a side of…
“This morning I called my mom by ‘birth giver’ and she replied ‘yes, financial drain?’”
Parents and children have new nicknames for each other. This was posted on Twitter by yerl on January 11, 2019: "This morning I called my mom by ‘birth giver’ and she replied ‘yes,…
“This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight and a bishop. I must have a chess infection”
A "chest infection" is not a "chess infection" and has nothing to do with the game of chess, but there are jokes. "It must be cold in Russia, I hope Garry Kasparov…
“This morning, I made a Belgian waffle. This afternoon, I’m going to make a Frenchman talk bollocks”
"Waffle" can be both a noun and a verb. Of course, there are jokes. "RT @GaryDelaney: Just had a Belgian waffle, next I'm going to make him dance" was posted on Twitter by…
“This morning’s coffee brought to you by here we fucking go again”
"This morning's coffee brought to you by here we fucking go again" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "This mornings coffee brought to you by here we…
“This New Year’s Eve, remember to drink and wander around your house responsibly”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic caused many people to celebrate New Year's Eve at home. The usual cautions of "stay safe" and "drink responsibly" didn't…
“This next song is about subtraction. Take it away, boys”
"My next song is about subtraction. Take it away..." was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on January 10, 2011. The joke originated on the Sickipedia website. "This next song is…
“This office will not tolerate redundancy in this office”
"This office will not tolerate redundancy in this office" is a jocular office sign. The office joke has been cited in print since at least 2002. Forumosa.comMe English get badderPostby…
“This orange juice says shake well before drinking…” (drinking joke)
Some juice drinks (such as orange juice) require a shake before drinking. A joke on this was posted on Twitter by MikeP on August 19, 2015: "This orange juice says shake well before drinking.…
“This pandemic ain’t over until Costco starts serving free samples again”
Costco (a big-box retail store chain) became famous for offering its members free samples of some products, but this was suspended in 2020 during the Covid-19 (coronavirus) pandemic.…
“This pandemic is exactly why I hated group projects in school”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic required cooperation from everyone. The situation reminded many people of group projects in school (where some people did no work). "For anyone who hated…
“This printer is now called Bob Marley because it’s always jammin’”
"This copier/printer/shredder is now called Bob Marley because it's a;ways jammin'" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images and posted on many…
“This Quarantine is getting old. So old, in fact, that is it starting to become a Quaranadult”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many quarantines. There is no "teen" in the word "quarantine," but some have used "quaranadult" (quarantine + adult). A…
“This recipe says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them”
Some recipes state to separate eggs. "This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them" was printed in the book Say Good…
“This republic was not established by cowards; and cowards will not preserve it”
"This republic was not established by cowards; and cowards will not preserve it" is a saying that has been printed in many images. American news reporter and author Elmer Davis…
“This rum tastes like I’ll be texting you later”
"This beer/ margarita/ rum/ tequila/ vodka/ whiskey/ wine tastes like I'll be texting you later" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "@MezMerrett: This…
“This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat”
"This salad tastes like I'd rather be fat" is an anti-salad saying that has been printed on many images. "!!!! RT '@Jay_FrickinLynn: This salad tastes like I'd rather…
“This sofa can seat 6 people without any problems.”/“Where can I find 6 people without problems?”
A salesman joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on AUgust 13, 2020: "I bought a new sofa yesterday. The assistant told me it will seat 6 people without a problem.... Where the fuck am I going…
“This spring I’m looking for someone who has the same allergies as I do”
"This spring I'm looking for someone who has the same allergies as I do" is a spring saying that has been printed on an ecard. "This Spring, I'm looking for someone who has…