A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
"My dog isn't spoiled, I'm just well trained" (or "My dog's not spoiled, I'm just well trained") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
"My dream job is no job. I just want to get paid for breathing" was posted on Facebook by Jakiera Davis Conner on May 31, 2012. The post had over 67,000 shares. Facebook Jakiera Davis…
A "light workload doesn't usually involve lights, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 29, 2017: "My dream job is to work for a manufacturer of…
People are sometimes asked about their dream job. A funny response is: "My dream job is getting paid to sleep." "My dream job would be getting paid to sleep" was cited on…
The letters "IOU" ("I owe you") are hinted at in this joke that was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 1, 2019: "My dyslexic French friend said he owed me some…
"It is what it is" is a popular phrase. "It's what it's" is used in contraction jokes. "Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it's what it's" was…
"The person who agrees with you 80 percent of the time is a friend and an ally — not a 20 percent traitor" (or, "My eighty-percent friend is not my twenty-percent enemy") is…
"My emotional support animal is a chicken. A four piece. With a biscuit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. An emotional support animal is usually a live animal,…
"My emotional support animal is a chicken. A four piece. With a biscuit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. An emotional support animal is usually a live animal,…
"My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect. And for that I am eternally grapefruit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
"Joint custody" usually does not involve marijuana, but there are jokes. "Why isn't marijuana possession called joint custody?" was posted on Twitter by Charlie Ernstes on…
Many people are obsessed with newspaper/internet horoscopes. "Taurus" sounds like "tore us." "Before we split up, my wife was obsessed with horoscopes.I'm sure…
"My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on ecards and T-shirts. The saying has been cited on Twitter since January 6,…
"My Facebook account is for laughing. For crying, I have my bank account!" (shown on an image) was posted on Facebook by Koroit Bakehouse on March 14, 2021. It's not known who posted…
"My Facebook account is for laughing. For crying, I have my bank account!" (shown on an image) was posted on Facebook by Koroit Bakehouse on March 14, 2021. It's not known who posted…
Facebook is an online social media website that allows users to "like" posts. A joke is: "After spending up to twelve hours a day on Facebook for years, my grandfather died…
"My fake plants died because I forgot to pretend to water them" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. American stand-up comic Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) used…
"my fall look this year is drinking my coffee on an empty stomach & visibly shaking until lunch time" was posted on Facebook by Jennifer Woodside on December 28, 2018. The saying is…
"My family/husband/wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it" -- that is, the speaker sleeps at work -- is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many…