“I’d make a COVID joke, but it would be tasteless”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic caused sufferers to lose a sense of taste. "I wanted to make a COVID joke, but I think that'd be pretty tasteless" was posted on Twitter by…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’ll be home for Christmas. Been here all year anyway. #2020”
"I'll Be Home for Christmas" (1943) is a Christmas song written by the lyricist Kim Gannon and composer Walter Kent and recorded by Bing Crosby. It referred to soldiers in World War…
“I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one”
“I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one” has been cited in print since at least September 2011 and was popularly used on signs in the Occupy Wall Street movement during…
“I’ll bet Waldo owed some people money. You don’t get that good at hiding for no reason”
Where's Waldo? is the title of the first book in a series, published in 1987. Waldo was difficult to locate. "I'm convinced Waldo owed some people money. Hiding ass nigga" was…
“I’ll change my Facebook username to NOBODY…” (joke)
"I am going 2 change my Facebook username to NOBODY so when i see a boring status..i will like it..then it read:NOBODY LIKE THIS" was posted on Twitter on September 4, 2012. "Very…
“I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line”
"I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line" is a math saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on the…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a shit about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll have a rum and coke” (joke)
Can you substitute a Pepsi in a "rum and coke"? Dan Mentos made a popular tweet on November 23, 2014: “I’ll have a rum and coke”Is pepsi ok?“Sure whatever”*hands you a pepsi and…
“I’ll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar”
A Klondike bar is an ice cream bar coated with a thin layer of chocolate. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" is a memorable ad jingle that began in 1982. "I'll never be…
“I’ll never forget where I was when I heard that JFK was shot. Eighth grade history class”
U.S. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963. People who were alive at that time usually recall where they were when they first heard the news. A joke involves people who…
“I’ll never understand people who leave the hotel toiletries behind when they check out”
Hotels often provide complimentary toiletries, such as body wash, shampoo and soap. It's expected that hotel guests can take them home, but many guests feel guilty about doing that. Some…
“I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right”
"I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right. http://bit.ly/WyrZaq via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on March 18, 2013. The joke originated on the Sickipedia…
“I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to several jokes. "Let me tell you this coronavirus joke.We have to wait two weeks to see if you got it" was posted on Twitter by Imtiaz Mahmood on…
“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I got a man again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
“I’m trying to teach my self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house”
Many people wonder why a self-cleaning over can't clean the rest of the kitchen, or the rest of the house. "Why hasn't anyone taken the idea of 'self-cleaning oven' and…
“I’m 200 pages into The Count of Monte Cristo and I have not read a single word about the sandwich yet…”
The Count of Monte Cristo (1846) is a very long novel (about 1,200 pages) by the French writer Alexandre Dumas. The Monte Cristo sandwich is an egg-dipped ham and cheese sandwich that is pan-fried.…
“I’m 700 pages into The Count of Monte Cristo, when is he gonna invent this sandwich”
The Count of Monte Cristo (1846) is a very long novel (about 1,200 pages) by the French writer Alexandre Dumas. The Monte Cristo sandwich is an egg-dipped ham and cheese sandwich that is pan-fried.…
“I’m a coffee lover with no regrets, only refills”
"I’m a coffee lover with no regrets, only refills" is a coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "I’m a coffee lover with no regrets, only refills ☕️🔄"…
“I’m a politician.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m all out of tequila, but there’s no reason you can’t still lick, suck and swallow”
"I lick, swallow and suck... The salt, the tequila, the lime!" is a drinking/sex joke that has been printed on many images. Some images have it as, "I LICK the salt. I SWALLOW the…