“I’ve never understood the point in fire blankets” (joke)
Fire blankets, like fire extinguishers, are used in many buildings. The blankets are used to retard fire -- not to keep people warm. A joke from someone who doesn't understand about fire…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’ve noticed a lot of you are not posting selfies anymore since the beauty salons have closed”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in a lot of salons closing. "Have you Noticed that since all the Beauty Salons have closed Nobodies taking Selfies" was posted on Facebook by…
“I’ve noticed that people who wear jogging bottoms are usually the least likely to actually jog”
Many people who wear jogging bottoms do not jog. "for years i preached hate against the types who wear jogging bottoms when they obviously do not jog... now, i wear them too (in…
“I’ve officially reached the age where I consider running errands as going out”
"I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is an adult who no longer goes out…
“I’ve open sourced my French Revolution joke. It’s royalty free”
The French Revolution deposed of royalty. "You can use my French Revolution joke. It's royalty free" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on July 31, 2021. "Anyone can use my French…
“I’ve reached the age where ‘Happy Hour’ is a nap”
"Happy Hour" usually refers to drinks at bars and restaurants, but there have been other definitions. "I've reached the age where 'Happy Hour' is a nap" (or…
“I’ve reached the age where I appreciate a nice handrail”
"I've reached the age where I appreciate a nice handrail" (or "I'm at the age where I appreciate a nice handrail") is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’ve reached the age where I can’t function without my glasses…especially if they’re empty”
"I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several ecards.…
“I’ve reached the age where if I drive past a house with a nice porch, I literally have to say, “that’s a nice porch’”
Old people appreciate a house with a nice front porch. This was posted on X/Twitter by Matt Kiebus on August 16, 2020, and it received over 61,000 likes: "I've reached the age where if I…
“I’ve set myself a five year plan to become more spontaneous”
Many people make plans to be more spontaneous, but do they make long term plans? "I have a five year plan to become more spontaneous" was posted on Twitter by Daveastated on August 27,…
“I’ve started cross fit. I cross my fingers and hope my pants fit”
"I'm really into crossfit. I cross my fingers and hope my ass fits in those jeans" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "Yeah I do Crossfit.... I CROSS my…
“I’ve started drinking my coffee out of a clear mug, so people know where my tolerance level is at”
"I've started drinking my coffee out of a clear mug, so people know where my tolerance level is at" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The implication is that…
“I’ve struggled with timekeeping since I don’t know when”
"I've struggled with timekeeping since I don't know when" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by 3AM on March 21, 2020. "I've struggled with timekeeping since I…
“I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much that I know it like the back of my hand”
To "know something like the back of one's hand" is to know it very well. A student joke applies this expression to a human anatomy test. "Going to Anatomy. I know this like the…
“I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie”
Is a "Bordeaux collie" (Bordeaux wine + Border Collie) a dog that will bring red wine? "Bordeaux collie" has been cited in print since at least 1995 and has been printed on…
“I’ve worn this for 20 years and it still fits.”/“It’s a scarf.”
Someone is in good shape when an old piece of clothing still fits, right? This joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on October 4, 2011 (originally on the Sickipedia website) and has been…
“I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk”
"I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I’d make a COVID joke, but it would be tasteless”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic caused sufferers to lose a sense of taste. "I wanted to make a COVID joke, but I think that'd be pretty tasteless" was posted on Twitter by…
“I’ll be home for Christmas. Been here all year anyway. #2020”
"I'll Be Home for Christmas" (1943) is a Christmas song written by the lyricist Kim Gannon and composer Walter Kent and recorded by Bing Crosby. It referred to soldiers in World War…
“I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one”
“I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one” has been cited in print since at least September 2011 and was popularly used on signs in the Occupy Wall Street movement during…