“I’m an amateur crastinator, but I’m hoping to go pro eventually”
"I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro" is a jocular procrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm an amateur crastinator. Someday I'll…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’m an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It’s my special tea”
"Specialty" shouldn't be confused with "special tea," but there are jokes. "I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It's my special…
“I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma”
Many people -- if not all -- like to get paid without doing any work. "I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma" was posted on Twitter by Tuesdays with Taca on January 17,…
“I’m aspirin’ to be a pharmacist”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
“I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair”
"I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair." is a jocular one-line saying about Greek yogurt. The saying was posted on Twitter by Brian Henderson on May…
“I’m at that age where the most exciting text I get is, ‘Your prescription is ready for pickup’”
Texting can be romantic -- or not. "I'm at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: 'Your prescription is ready for pick up'" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m at the age that not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home”
"I’m at the age that not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I’m at the place in my life where errands count as ‘going out’”
"I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is an adult who no longer goes out…
“I’m at the place in my life where running errands counts as ‘going out’”
"I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is an adult who no longer goes out…
“I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen”
Bananas go bad very quickly. "I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several…
“I’m being blamed for the missing grated cheese, but they haven’t found one shred of evidence”
The expression "not one shred of evidence" means "nothing at all." It usually doesn't refer to shredded cheese, but there are jokes. "I’m being blamed for the…
“I’m broke but not like the poor broke, I’m classy type of broke. I’m broqué”
"I'm not regular broke, I'm high class broke. I'm broqué" and "I’m broke but not like the poor broke, I’m (a/the) classy type of broke. I’m broqué" are…
“I’m celebrating President’s Day by making a bunch of promises I have no plan on keeping”
A joke about Presidents' Day is a reminder that presidents make campaign promises that they seldom keep. "Happy Presidents Day... Celebrate Presidents Day by making a promise you have no…
“I’m convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves performance”
Does leaning forward help make a better video game player? "I am 100% convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves overall performance. /via @nessie111-works…
“I’m deeply disturbed by how many people seem to see washing their hands as a new thing”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused many news outlets to instruct people to wash their hands. A comment was posted on Twitter by Liz Buckley on March 2, 2020: "I’m deeply disturbed by…
“I’m done being a people pleaser, if everyone’s OK with that”
A "people-pleaser" joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 17, 2020: "I’m done being a people pleaser. If everyone’s ok with that." "I’m done being a people…
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red”
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" is a famous line in Irving Berlin's classic Christmas song, "White Christmas" (1942). A "white Christmas" joke that has…
“I’m driving a stick shift. We’re on a hill. Do you really want to be close enough to read this?” (bumper sticker)
"I’m driving a stick shift. We’re on a hill. Do you really want to be close enough to read this?” (bumper sticker) is a jocula saying that has been printed on many images. "ok funny…
“I’m from New York, where people say ‘you’re welcome’ to remind you to say ‘thank you’”
"I’m from New York, where people say 'you’re welcome' to remind you to say 'thank you'" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Some of the images…
“I’m getting way too comfortable looking this ugly all the time”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in the closing of barbershops and hair salons. People stayed in their homes and did not look their best. "I’ve gotten too comfortable looking ugly…