“I’ve just opened a shop selling telescopes. Business is looking up”
"'My business is looking up,' as the man with the 'Penny a peep' telescope told the policeman" was printed under "SAM WELLERISMS“ in Judy: The London…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’ve just released my own fragrance. But no one in this elevator seems to like it”
"I’ve just released my own fragrance, Nobody in the bus/car/elevator/train seemed to like it" i a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker just let out…
“I’ve just released my own fragrance. But no one on this bus seems to like it”
"I’ve just released my own fragrance, Nobody in the bus/car/elevator/train seemed to like it" i a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker just let out…
“I’ve just released my own fragrance. But no one on this train seems to like it”
"I’ve just released my own fragrance, Nobody in the bus/car/elevator/train seemed to like it" i a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker just let out…
“I’ve just seen a very confusing book—‘Ventriloquism for Dummies’”
The book DOS For Dummies (1991) started a For Dummies series of instructional books. The title "Ventriloquism for Dummies" was suggested on the newsgroup alt.tasteless.jokes on June 2,…
“I’ve just started work as a human chess piece. The money’s good. I’m on knights this week”
People on a human chess board work as kings, queens, bishops, knights, rooks and pawns. A joke was posted on Twitter on September 8, 2014: "I've just started work as a human chess…
“I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax”
"I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The news often gets people angry or…
“I’ve just used a proper butter knife for the first time. It melted in my hand”
A butter knife is not made of butter, but there are jokes. "I've just used a proper butter knife for the first time. It melted in my hand" was posted on Sickipedia on May 19, 2024.…
“I’ve just watched a film that was set around a tea plantation in India. It was rated PG”
PG Tips (a brand of tea in the United Kingdom) has nothing to do with the PG (parental guidance) movie rating, but there are jokes. "RT @sickipediabot: I've just watched a film that was…
“I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making a few more”
"I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Great quote 'I’ve learned so…
“I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake”
"As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake" (or "Making everyone happy is impossible. Pissing them…
“I’ve lost loads of weight, just by wearing bread around my head. It’s a loaf hat diet”
Instead of a "low fat diet," what about a "loaf hat diet"? "I'm on a loaf hat diet" was posted on the newsgroup alt.english.usage on October 23, 1999. "For…
“I’ve never been able to count to ten in French because of my huit allergy”
"Huit" is French for the number eight. "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.. achoo! Sorry, I have a huit allergy" was posted on Twitter by Joelle McNichol on February 10,…
“I’ve never been camping, but once my phone died and I looked up and saw a tree”
Many people are too busy looking on their phones to do anything else. "I've never been camping, but once my phone died and I looked up and saw a tree" is a jocular saying that has…
“I’ve never been in love, but I imagine it’s like when the waiter brings your food”
"I've never been in love, but I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food" is a jocular saying that's popular on Twitter.…
“I’ve never been on a cooking show, but I did point out to my family how the cut up hot dogs I added to the macaroni and cheese…”
A cooking joke has it that the speaker has never been on a cooking show, but the speaker can cook something simple (like maybe boil water) and put a kitchen towel over the shoulder. Impressive,…
“I’ve never been on a cooking show, but I did put a kitchen towel over my shoulder once when I made a grilled cheese”
A cooking joke has it that the speaker has never been on a cooking show, but the speaker can cook something simple (like maybe boil water) and put a kitchen towel over the shoulder. Impressive,…
“I’ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me”
A vehicle's windshield wipers usually have a slow and a fast setting, but these are too slow or too fast for many people. "Would be nice to have a windshield wiper setting somewhere…
“I’ve never seen a cave drawing of a salad. We eat meat!”
Cave paintings often show hunting scenes. "We have never found a cave drawing/painting of a salad" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. " No one has ever found a…
“I’ve never seen a tombstone that said, ‘Died from not forwarding a chain email’”
"Died From Not Forwarding That Email to 10 People" is a jocular saying about chain emails that has been printed on many fake tombstones. "I've never seen a tombstone that read:…