“I’ve been watching the Origami Channel. It’s paper view”
"Pay Per View" sounds like "paper view." An obvious joke is: "I've been watching the Origami Channel. It's paper view." The "paper view" origami…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’ve benedicted to Eggs Benedict”
"Benedicted" sounds like "been addicted," and there have been several "Eggs Benedict" puns. "When I lay an egg around here, it's just ignored! That's…
“I’ve come to the conclusion buying art supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies”
"I have come to the conclusion that buying craft supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just saw a pin:…
“I’ve come to the conclusion buying craft supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies”
"I have come to the conclusion that buying craft supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just saw a pin:…
“I’ve come to the conclusion that the sole purpose of homework is to condition children into accepting that unpaid overtime…”
What is the purpose of homework? This was posted on X/Twitter by Erin Ekins on July 19, 2020, and it received over 153,000 likes: "I've come to the conclusion that the sole purpose of…
“I’ve come to the conclusion, the bigger the Cheerio, the better it tastes” (donut saying)
"The bigger the cheerio, the better it tastes" -- a meme usually shown with a bowl of Cheerios and a donut on top -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "The bigger the…
“I’ve cut down on my drinking and now I only have one drink before going to bed…”
"I’ve cut down on my drinking, and now only have one vodka before going to bed. Last night I went to bed eight times" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’ve decided to invest all my money in soup stocks. I want to be a bouillonaire”
If you invest in beef stock and chicken stock and vegetable stock, could you become a "bouillonaire" (bouillon + billionaire)? "I bought apple stocks early.......also beef stocks,…
“I’ve decided to leave my past behind. So if I owe you money, I’m sorry but I’ve moved on”
"I've decided to leave my past behind. So if I owe you money, I'm sorry but I've moved on" is a jocular saying that has been TwitterCristian…
“I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B”
"I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by WriterOfWrongs on September 23, 2010, and on…
“I’ve decided to start calling my toilet Jim instead of John. I go to the Jim every morning”
"Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning" is a jocular gym saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’VE DECIDED TO WRITE MY TWEETS IN CAPITALS. I WROTE THIS ONE IN PARIS”
"I'VE DECIDED TO WRITE MY TWEETS IN CAPITALS. I WROTE THIS ONE IN PARIS" is a jocular saying that has been printed -- sometimes all in capitals, sometimes not -- about various…
“I’ve done some terrible things for money, like getting up early and going to work”
"I've done some terrible things for money, like getting up early and going to work" (or "I have done terrible things for money, like getting up early to go to work") is a…
“I’ve failed math so many times I can’t even count”
"I've failed math so many times I can't even count" is a jocular line that has been printed on T-shirts and ecards. "I failed maths so many times I can't even…
“I’ve found the key to happiness. Stay away from assholes”
"I've found the key to happiness. Stay away from assholes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have found the key to happiness... Stay away from…
“I’ve given up my job in the circus because it was too difficult to juggle work and family”
A joke about working in the circus was posted on Twitter by Jem Brookes on February 11, 2012: "I've given up my job in the circus because it was too difficult to juggle work and…
“I’ve got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes. What an Oxo moron”
Oxo stock cubes (a food brand) has been the subject of "Oxo moron" (oxymoron) jokes. "What do you call someone who can't make stock from a cube? An oxo moron!…
“I’ve got a fruit fetish. Well, that’s according to my currant girlfriend”
"Currant" (a dried berry) sounds like "current." "My currant girlfriend just dumped me. I guess everything happens for a raisin," English comedian Darren Walsh posted…
“I’ve got a job as part of a human chess board. I’m on knights this week”
People on a human chess board work as kings, queens, bishops, knights, rooks and pawns. A joke was posted on Twitter on September 8, 2014: "I've just started work as a human chess…
“I’ve got a million of ‘em” (comedy saying)
"I've got a million of 'em" is what Manhattan-born actor and comedian Jimmy Durante (1893-1980) often said after telling a corny joke. The line probably originated in the…