“I’m a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating”
"I'm a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating" is a joke that has been attributed to baseball pitcher Tommy John, baseball coach Tommy Lasorda and football defensive tackle…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“I’m a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear”
A popular paycheck joke is: "I'm a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear." "You're (magician Doug Henning -- ed.) good...but the government is faster at ,making a…
“I’m a millennial, so my retirement plan is societal collapse”
"I'm a millennial, so my retirement plan is societal collapse" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many millennials cannot afford a retirement plan. "RT…
“I’m a nurse. I’m here to save your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a nurse. I'm here to save your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Google Books Title I'm a Nurse My Job Is to Save Your Ass Not Kiss…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows”
"I'm a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I only eat animals that feed on grass. Does that make me a…
“I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue”
A "single issue voter" votes for or against a politician based solely on a single issue. The "single issue voter" can be single or married, and this is the basis of a joke.…
“I’m a social drinker. Every time someone says ‘I’ll have a drink,’ I say ‘Social I’”
"I'm a social drinker. Every time someone says 'I'll have a drink,' I say 'Social I'" -- a pun on "So shall I" -- is a jocular drinking saying that…
“I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet”
"I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I’m a social vegan; I avoid meet" -- a pun on "meat" -- was posted on…
“I’m a socialist drinker” (joke)
A "social" drinker shouldn't be confused with a "socialist" drinker, but there are jokes. "I'm not a heavy drinker, more of a socialist drinker. Which is to say,…
“I’m a time traveler. I travel in time at the rate of one second per second”
We all time travel. "I can time travel.... but only forwards.....and really slowly... at one second per second" was posted on Twitter by Rudy Lippert on July 26, 2010. "I time travel…
“I’m a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself”
"I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself" (or "I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself") is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself”
"I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself" (or "I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself") is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m a vegetarian not because I love animals, but because I hate plants”
"I'm a vegetarian, not because I love animals...but because I hate plants!" said comedian A. Whitney Brown in the May 1983 Vegetarian Times. The joke is that if don't like…
“I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become”
"I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on the blog Wine…
“I’m a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate”
"I'm a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am a woman of many moods, and they all require chocolate.…
“I’m a woman. I have needs. Pass me the wine”
"I'm a woman. I have needs. Pass me the wine"is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 19, 2016. "I'm a woman, I have…
“I’m a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story”
"I'm a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying parodies Miranda warnings ("You have the right…