“I’m a writer. If I seem cold, it’s because I’m surrounded by drafts”
"I'm a writer. If I seem cold, it's because I'm surrounded by drafts" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A riddle was posted on BuzzFeed on December…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though”
"Safety first" is a slogan that has been used since the early 1900s. "Safe-Tea First" is a pun that was used in Ridgways Tea advertisments from October 1914. A jocular saying…
“I’m about to have my favorite alcoholic drink. It’s called A Lot”
"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called 'a lot'" (or "Tonight, I'll be having my favorite drink. It's called a lot") is a…
“I’m actually extremely grateful for all those who put their pronouns in their bio…”
Many politically correct "woke" people put pronouns in their bios. This was posted on X/Twitter by Kyle Kashuv on January 3, 2022: "im actually extremely grateful for all those who…
“I’m actually pretty good with money, as long as I don’t go outside where all the stores are. or stay inside where my phone is”
Some people can't go outside because they see stores and they spend money. They also can't stay inside because they shop online. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Jonathan Edward…
“I’m addicted to seaweed. I must seek kelp”
"Kelp" sounds like "help," and there have been several puns. "Being addicted to seaweed is a cry for kelp" was posted on Twitter on September 5, 2011. "I've…
“I’m adding ‘showed up for work during the apocalypse’ to my résumé”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic sent many people home to quarantines, but many essential workers stayed on the job. "I'm adding 'showed up for/to work during the apocalypse'…
“I’m aging like a fine banana”
"Aging like fine wine" is a saying meaning that someone/something is getting better with age. Bananas spoil very quickly. "Aging like a fine banana" means that someone/something…
“I’m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs”
"I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have an allergy to alcohol; when I drink I…
“I’m allergic to food. I break out in fat”
"I'm allergic to food. I break out in fat" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. Newspapers.com12 April 1974, News-Herald (Port Clinton, OH), "Jottings…
“I’m allergic to green onions. Every time I eat them, I break out in chives”
"Hives" shouldn't be confused with "chives," but there are jokes. "And I have chives on my face. Great, I hate it when I break out in chives. Ugh" was posted on…
“I’m allergic to rice. I’m basmatic”
There's a difference between "asthmatic" (asthma) and "basmatic" (basmati rice), but there have been jokes. This was printed in the Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland) on…
“I’m allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm”
"I'm allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 25, 2012.…
“I’m already against the next war”
"I'm already against the next war" is an anti-war saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been on bumper stickers since at least 2006. "Bumpersnicker…
“I’m always being forced to do things I’m not qualified for…like being nice to others”
"The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people" and "I'm not qualified to be nice to stupid people" are jocular work sayings that have been printed on many…
“I’m always DTE (Down To Eat)”
"I'm Always DTE (Down To Eat)" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "DTE" is a variation on "DTF" (Down To Fuck). There is also "DTE" (Down…
“I’m always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower”
Many people's ancestors arrived on the Mayflower ship that landed in America in 1620. There was no ship called the "Juneflower," but there are jokes. "I'm always late. My…
“I’m always losing things at work…my glasses, my keys, my will to live…”
"I'm always losing things at work...my glasses, my keys, my will to live..." is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I hate losing things at work,…
“I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me”
"I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me" is a ocular food saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I’m an amateur crastinator. Someday I’ll turn pro”
"I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro" is a jocular procrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm an amateur crastinator. Someday I'll…