“I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.” (stand-up comedian joke)
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Try the veal. And don't forget to tip your servers" is a classic line that a…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’ll be Irish in a few beers”
"I'll be Irish in a few beers" (a pun on "in a few years") is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "Let everybody know you're ready…
“I’ll control my guns. You control your kids”
"I'll control my guns. You control your kids" is a pro-Second Amendment saying that has been printed on many images. "Seen a sign today that said 'You control your kids,…
“I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly”
"I'll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Benji…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I GAF about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a damn about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please”
"I'll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please" is a jocular order (combining various popular daily infusions) that has been printed on many images. “I’ll have a cafe…
“I’ll have burnt toast and cold coffee” (restaurant customer joke)
An old joke has a sarcastic restaurant customer ordering a terrible breakfast of hard eggs, burned and cold toast, and weak coffee. The waitress tells him that it would be difficult to make. The…
“I’ll have the chef’s salad.”/“That’s so rude. Just order your own!”
A "chef's salad" is a salad construction by a chef. It is not a salad that a chef eats, but there are jokes. "Winds us up that every restaurant serves 'Chef's…
“I’ll have the mouse, please.”/“That’s mousse, sir.”
"Mousse" shouldn't be confused with "mouse" or "moose," but there are jokes. Wikipedia: MousseA mousse (/ˈmuːs/; French: [mus]; "foam") is a soft…
“I’ll have what she’s having!”
Katz's Deli, 205 East Houston Street. Meg Ryan. Billy Crystal. When Harry Met Sally... (1989), directed by Rob Reiner, with a screenplay by Nora Ephron. Harry and Sally are seated. Sally fakes…
“I’ll hug your elephant if you kiss my ass” (Republican-Democrat bipartisanship)
"I'll hug your elephant if you kiss my ass" is the last line of a bipartisanship poem of unknown authorship, said to be from a Democrat to a Republican after an election. The poem…
“I’ll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar”
A Klondike bar is an ice cream bar coated with a thin layer of chocolate. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" is a memorable ad jingle that began in 1982. "I'll never be…
“I’ll never be okay with donut shops cutting a hole in my donut, then charging me separately for the same hole they robbed me of”
"I'll never be okay with donut shops cutting a hole in my donut, then charging me separately for the same hole they robbed me of" is a saying about donuts that has been printed on…
“I’ll never understand people who get in the fast lane just to drive the speed limit”
The speed lane is usually for drivers who go above the speed limit (breaking the law). This viral saying (over 265,000 likes) was posted on Twitter by slate on March 1, 2021: "I’ll never…
“I’ll sign anything except bad legislation” (Kinky Friedman)
When author/musician Kinky Friedman ran for governor of Texas in 2005-2006, many people asked for his autograph. "I'll sign anything except bad legislation" was an often-used…
“I’ll slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you”
"I'll hit/slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you" is a jocular one-line saying that had been printed on many images. Google is a popular search engine. The…
“I’ll stand in front of the refrigerator with the door open, eating a bag of chips until I figure out what I REALLY want to eat”
Many people stand in front of the refrigerator, with the door open. It often does not make food decisions any easier. "I'll stand in front of the refrigerator with the door open, eating a…
“I’ll take a coffee with my sunshine”
"I'll take (a) coffee with my sunshine" is a morning coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'll take a coffee with my sunshine" (shown on an image) was…