“I’d call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar…”
A joke about politicians and lying is: "I'd call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar. So, basically, I would be a politician." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’d demand a recount” (William F. Buckley, Jr., Conservative, if elected mayor in 1965)
William F. Buckley, Jr. ran in 1965 for mayor of New York City. As a Conservative. He did get about 13% of he vote. He was asked what he would do if he won the race. Buckley issued his classic…
“I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce”
"I'd enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I’d go to a strip club, but it’s always the same old thong and dance”
"Song and dance" is a New York slang phrase that dates to the 19th century. Strips clubs give the same old "thong and dance." "Thong bikinis and nude dance clubs (same old…
“I’d like extra hot fudge.”/“Sorry, all of our fudge is the same temperature.”
" can you pick up a peanut buster parfait for me, with extra hot fudge? (Sorry, all of our hot fudge is the same temperature...)" was posted on X/Twitter by Bill Jelen on August 2, 2013.…
“I’d like to apologize to anyone I haven’t yet offended. Please be patient”
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
“I’d like to apologize to anyone I’ve not yet offended. Please be patient”
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
“I’d like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.”/“Sorry, we only take cash or card.”
A deli joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 11, 2012: "So I said to the woman at the deli, 'I'd like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.' She said…
“I’d like to buy Christmas stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“I’d like to buy Hanukkah stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“I’d like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on drugs”
"Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "We'd like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on…
“I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass”
"I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass" is a jocular put-down that has been printed on many images. Authorship is…
“I’d like to thank all who are taking part in Sober October. It’s much easier to get to the bar now”
"Sober October" means not drinking alcohol during the month of October. "A huge thank you to everyone who's taking part in sober October. It's so much easier to get to the…
“I’d like to thank my parents for making this possible and my children for making it necessary”
Danish and American pianist and comedian Victor Borge (1909-2000) was cited in a February 1958 newspaper for ending his performance with this jocular line: "I want to thank my parents for…
“I’d like to think I’m only mean to people who deserve it. Like a vigilante bitch. A bitchilante”
"Bitchilante (n.) Being mean only to people who deserve it" is a jocular definition that has been printed on many images. "Bitchilante" is a portmanteau of the words…
“I’d make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all”
"Carrot" sounds a bit like "care at." "I'd make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are” (poem)
"I'd rather be a Could Be, If I cannot be an Are" is a poem that Brooklyn-born author Robert W. Chambers (1865-1933) published in the book Iole (1905). The poem was reprinted in many…
“I’d rather be beered and cheered than wined and dined”
"Beer and cheer" is a term like "wine and dine." "They were wined, dined, beered and cheered each day of their drill" was printed in the Morning World-Herald (Omaha,…
“I’d rather be fishing”
"I'd rather be fishing" is a saying that has been on many items, such as bumper stickers, license plate holders, T-shirts and hats. The "I'd Rather Be Fishing" bumper…
“I’d rather be led to hell than managed to heaven”
"I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven" is a quotation of unknown authorship about the perils of over-managing employees. The quotation first appeared in Linux chat groups…