"I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but they fried me for no raisin" was posted on Twitter by Kurt Kleynhans (and another poster) on July 14, 2016. "I used to work as a…
Some people who work or who go to school can't "get the hang of it" (understand it). This expression usually has nothing to do with hanging, but there are jokes. "Why was the…
A dead end street is sometimes called a cul-de-sac. There are several cul-de-sac jokes relating to a "dead end job." "I used to work in a cul-de-sac but it was dead end job..."…
"I worship the very quicksand the President walks on," American humorist and Washington (DC) Post columnist Art Buchwald (1925-2007) said of U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1966.…
Electric cars need charges. "I wanted to get an electric car but I found they charged too much" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by C. Erika Lefevre (CAEL) on August 23. 2011. "I…
"I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!" is a joke indicating that the speaker can't cook fresh, healthy food. The saying has appeared on a list of "Kitchen…
"I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved" ( or "I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved") is a saying that has been printed on several…
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
"I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza" is a jocular anti-salad, pro-pizza saying. The saying was posted on Twitter by Men's Humor on December 10, 2012.…
There are many excuses for not taking a morning jog. "Ever noticed how it's always early morning joggers or dog owners that find dead bodies? Think that's a reason to not jog and own…
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
The children's classic book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar (1969), shows a way of life that some people can identify with. This was posted on X/Twitter by Shannon on October 12, 2020: "I…
"I would like to suggest government-free zones" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on several images. Government often imposes "gun-free zones" and…
Many people don't like Valentine's Day because it's about love, but they do enjoy meeting people and eating together. It's been suggested to get rid of Valentine's Day and…
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing" is a jocular line that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. The saying has been cited on Twitter since July 25,…
“@iNusku: I want to make a font joke, but I'm just not bold enough" (the original tweet is no longer available) was posted on X/Twitter by Pkitass on May 24, 2011. "I would make a…
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines, and many people got fat. Barbershops were closed, and many people grew their hair long. "Hard to believe that five weeks of uncut…
"I would never hurt/kill an animal. I'm more of a people person" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying could be a vegan or cannibal joke about eating animals…