“I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold”
A joke was submitted to the UK Pun Championships by Colin Chadwick in February 2016: "I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold." The pun is on "twofold,"…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It’s the circle of life”
"I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It's the circle of life" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I work so I can buy iced coffee. I buy iced coffee…
“I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee to work. It’s the circle of life”
"I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It's the circle of life" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I work so I can buy iced coffee. I buy iced coffee…
“I work with animals (...) I’m a butcher”
A joke is that a person "works with animals" -- and then it is revealed that this person is a butcher. "Best comment of the day...''I used to work with animals...Yhh…
“I worked as a programmer for autocorrect, but they fried me for no raisin”
"I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but they fried me for no raisin" was posted on Twitter by Kurt Kleynhans (and another poster) on July 14, 2016. "I used to work as a…
“I worked as an executioner at a gallows, but I couldn’t get the hang of it”
Some people who work or who go to school can't "get the hang of it" (understand it). This expression usually has nothing to do with hanging, but there are jokes. "Why was the…
“I worked in an office on a cul-de-sac. It was a dead end job”
A dead end street is sometimes called a cul-de-sac. There are several cul-de-sac jokes relating to a "dead end job." "I used to work in a cul-de-sac but it was dead end job..."…
“I worship the quicksand he walks on”
"I worship the very quicksand the President walks on," American humorist and Washington (DC) Post columnist Art Buchwald (1925-2007) said of U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1966.…
“I would buy an electric car, but they charge too much”
Electric cars need charges. "I wanted to get an electric car but I found they charged too much" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by C. Erika Lefevre (CAEL) on August 23. 2011. "I…
“I would cook dinner, but I can’t find the can opener”
"I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!" is a joke indicating that the speaker can't cook fresh, healthy food. The saying has appeared on a list of "Kitchen…
“I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved”
"I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved" ( or "I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved") is a saying that has been printed on several…
“I would die for shopping. I’m a Walmartyr”
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
“I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza”
"I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza" is a jocular anti-salad, pro-pizza saying. The saying was posted on Twitter by Men's Humor on December 10, 2012.…
“I would get up early and jog in the morning, but I don’t want to be the guy to find dead bodies”
There are many excuses for not taking a morning jog. "Ever noticed how it's always early morning joggers or dog owners that find dead bodies? Think that's a reason to not jog and own…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient”
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
“I would like to check myself into The Very Hungry Caterpillar clinic where you eat your feelings for 6 days…”
The children's classic book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar (1969), shows a way of life that some people can identify with. This was posted on X/Twitter by Shannon on October 12, 2020: "I…
“I would like to suggest government-free zones”
"I would like to suggest government-free zones" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on several images. Government often imposes "gun-free zones" and…
“I would like Valentine’s Day to be abolished and replaced with a second Thanksgiving”
Many people don't like Valentine's Day because it's about love, but they do enjoy meeting people and eating together. It's been suggested to get rid of Valentine's Day and…