“I would lose weight, but I hate losing”
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing" is a jocular line that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. The saying has been cited on Twitter since July 25,…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I would make a font joke, but I’m not bold enough”
“@iNusku: I want to make a font joke, but I'm just not bold enough" (the original tweet is no longer available) was posted on X/Twitter by Pkitass on May 24, 2011. "I would make a…
“I would never have believed that a few weeks of uncut hair would weigh 20 pounds”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines, and many people got fat. Barbershops were closed, and many people grew their hair long. "Hard to believe that five weeks of uncut…
“I would never hurt an animal. I’m more of a people person”
"I would never hurt/kill an animal. I'm more of a people person" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying could be a vegan or cannibal joke about eating animals…
“I would never invade the United States. There would be a gun behind every blade of grass”
"You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind each/every blade of grass" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It is credited to Japanese…
“I would never kill an animal. I’m more of a people person”
"I would never hurt/kill an animal. I'm more of a people person" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying could be a vegan or cannibal joke about eating animals…
“I would never survive camping. I’ve already eaten all the snacks I packed for the day…”
Some people brings snacks to work, but eat them all right away. This was posted on Twitter by Ron Iver on June 21, 2022 and received over 17,400 likes: "I would never survive camping.…
“I would never try to poison you. Now eat your Pb and Jelly Sandwich”
"I would never try to poison you, Now eat your Pb and Jelly Sandwich" is a science joke that has been printed on many images. "Pb" stands for both "peanut butter" and…
“I would rather be covered in sweat at the gym than in clothes at the beach”
"I would rather be covered in sweat at the gym than in clothes at the beach" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying was cited on Twitter on April 9,…
“I would rather be governed by the first hundred names in the telephone book”
American conservative author and journalist William F. Buckley, Jr. (1925-2008) -- who went to Yale University -- didn't think that academics necessarily made great legislators. The New York…
“I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity”
"Someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many…
“I would’ve kept off the grass, but I don’t understand sign language”
There are many "Keep off the Grass" signs. A joke was posted on the website Tearable Puns on September 19, 2014: "I would've kept off the grass, but I don't understand sign…
“I would’ve never imagined my hands would consume more alcohol than my liver”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to use alcohol-based sanitizers on their hands. "I never thought in my entire life that my hands would consume more alcohol than my…
“I wouldn’t be in the checkout line if I hadn’t found everything I was looking for. So why ask if I found everything I was looking for?”
When a customer reaches a store's checkout, the customer is often asked if they found everything they were looking for. If a customer didn't find something, the store usually provides…
“I wouldn’t say coffee solves all my problems, but it stops me from creating some new ones”
"Coffee doesn't solve all my problems, but I'm fairly confident it stops me from creating some new ones" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has…
“I wouldn’t say I’m a coffee addict. I prefer the term ‘exceptionally caffeine absorbent’”
"I wouldn't say I'm a coffee addict. I prefer the term 'exceptionally caffeine absorbent'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (shown…
“I wouldn’t start from here” (joke)
An old joke is told about a big city motorist who is lost in the countryside. He asks a local how to get to a big city. (Various cities have been named in the joke.) The local tries to give him…
“I wouldn’t vote for you if you were St. Peter!”/“If I were, you wouldn’t be in my district!”
An old political joke (cited in print from at least 1940), has a political heckler saying, "I wouldn't vote for you if you were St. Peter himself." The politician swiftly answers…
“I write short fiction. They’re ‘to-do lists’”
For some people, a "to-do list" is a short list of things that they wish to do, but will not. "I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists" was posted on…
“I write songs about sewing machines. I’m a Singer songwriter”
The Singer Corporation makes sewing machines. Of course, there are jokes about musical singers. "#wokeupthismorning to compose another ditty about an old-fashioned sewing machine. That's…