“I tell dad jokes, but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa”
"Faux pas" is sometimes punned as "faux pa." The pun is especially frequent on Father's Day. "A friend tried to tell me recently that I'm not allowed to make dad…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I tell new hires, ‘Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you’”
A popular work one-liner is: "I tell new hires, 'Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.'" "Boss = a friend who can fire you" was…
“I tested positive for sickofthisshit-20. There is no cure, and I may or may not be contagious”
The 2019–20 coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic reached the last nerve of many people. "Today I tested positive for Sickofthisshit-20 There’s no cure and I may or may not be contagious…
“I think ‘noted’ is the corporate version of ‘whatever’”
"'Noted' is the corporate version of 'whatever'" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Whatever" is often used to express indifference,…
“I think about winning the lottery way too much for someone that don’t buy lottery tickets”
"I think about winning the lottery way too much for someone that don't buy lottery tickets" and "I fantasize about winning the lottery way too much for someone who never buys…
“I think about winning the lottery way too much for someone who doesn’t even play it”
"I think about winning the lottery way too much for someone that don't buy lottery tickets" and "I fantasize about winning the lottery way too much for someone who never buys…
“I think all my problems could be solved with fresh blueberry muffins and holding hands with someone”
"I think all my problems could be solved with fresh blueberry muffins and holding hands with someone" is a saying that was posted on Tumblr on July 19, 2020. The saying evokes life's…
“I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking”
Two related drinking sayings have been printed on many images: "I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.""I…
“I think church should be more like football. If the pastor gives a good sermon, dump a cooler of Gatorade on his head!”
A winning coach or player in sports (especially football) often receives a "Gatorade shower." Some people believe that church should have similar enthusiasm. "It's that time of…
“I think every morning that I’m going to make pancakes, but I keep waffling”
"I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling" -- "waffling" is a joke on "waffles" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on a sign. "This morning the…
“I think everyone should use two deodorants, one under each armpit. That’s just my two scents”
"My two cents" is sometimes jocularly written as "my two scents" (one for each armpit). "I don't think fragrances have to be mutually exclusive - (but that's just…
“I think getting older is when you’d rather day drink than go out all night”
"I think getting older is when you'd rather day drink than go out all night" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I think getting older is when you'd rather…
“I think I aced my drug test at work yesterday. Nobody got higher than me”
Getting high on a test might be good, but getting high on a drug test might be bad. "I think I aced my drug test at work yesterday. Nobody got higher than me" was posted on Reddit --…
“I think I need to quit my job to focus on my laundry”
Having a job interferes with many other life tasks, like putting away laundry. "might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry" was posted on X/Twitter by ely kreimendahl…
“I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday”
"I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I think I still have some unfinished…
“I think I’m reaching my ‘Best If Used By’ date”
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
“I think I’ve been eating too much salmon recently. I keep running up down escalators”
If you eat too much salmon, you don't necessarily turn into a salmon and start spawning. This joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia Official on December 28, 2013: "I think I've…
“I think I’m approaching my ‘Best If Used By’ date”
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
“I think I’m getting close to my ‘Best If Used By’ date”
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
“I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something- here? where? here? do it again? did that work?”
"Tap to Pay" might be a simple system to some, but it confuses others. This was posted on X/Twitter by Mommy Needs A Life on March 5, 2024: "I think I’m pretty smart until I’m…