“I stole the car because I had to get to work” (joke)
A joke about a man who steals a car to get to work is: JUDGE: Why did you steal the car? MAN: I had to get to work.JUDGE: Why didn't you take the bus? MAN: I don't have a driver's…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I stole yeast from the local bakery. They can’t prove a thing”
"Proofing" is a step in the preparation of yeast bread. There are several puns about this process. "I stole yeast from the local bakery. They can't prove a thing" was…
“I stood waving at my neighbor for 10 minutes before realizing she was just cleaning her windows”
"I stood waving to my neighbour for 10 minutes this morning before realising she was just cleaning her windows" is a joke that was posted on Facebook by Paulo Raulino on May 18, 2020. The…
“I stop the microwave with 1 second to go so I can feel like a bomb disposal expert”
Many people stop the microwave with one second left and take their food out; this makes them feel like a bomb defusal/disposal expert. "I like to stop the microwave when it gets to one second.…
“I stopped living paycheck to paycheck. Now I live direct deposit to direct deposit”
"I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved”
"I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved" is a jocular one-line math saying that has been printed on several images. "I stopped understanding maths…
“I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159. Then it just CLIX”
The Roman numerals for the number "159" are "CLIX" (that some pronounce as "clicks"). "I find it difficult to count in Roman numerals until the number 159, then…
“I study every day for 4 hours and if I miss a day, I add 4 hours to the next day…”
A joke has it that the speaker is supposed to do something for a few minutes each day (such as run or study), amd if a day is missed, the time is added to the next day. The speaker then says that…
“I study old buildings because I would rather learn from those who built civilization than those who tore it down”
"I read old books because I would rather learn from those who built civilization than those who tore it down" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A lot of talk about…
“I stumbled across a website for clumsy people”
"They should make a social media website for clumsy people named Stumblr" was posted on Twitter on February 4, 2012. "A website for clumsy people: stumblr" was posted on Twitter…
“I submitted 10 puns to a newspaper contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did”
A classic pun has a man submitting 10 puns to a local newspaper's pun contest. He hoped that one would win, but no pun in ten did (no pun intended). A version of the pun has been cited in…
“I support renewable energy. It’s called coffee”
"I support renewable energy. It's called coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "Yes, I support renewable energy. It’s called coffee" was…
“I support the fair tax. 0% is fair. Anything above that is stealing”
"I SUPPORT THE FAIR TAX. 0% IS FAIR. ANYTHING ABOVE THAT IS STEALING" (shown on an image from Voluntary East Texas Show) was posted on Facebook by Pax Libertas Productions on November 1,…
“I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that expects to fit into clothes”
"I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that/who expects to fit into clothes" is a food saying that has been printed on several images. "I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that…
“I sure do eat a lot of food for someone who expects to fit into clothes”
"I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that/who expects to fit into clothes" is a food saying that has been printed on several images. "I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that…
“I sure hope I get an ‘A’ on my daughter’s science fair project”
Many parents do most of the work on a child's science fair project. "I hope I get an A on my daughter's science fair project" was posted on Twitter by Andie Johnson on January…
“I survived a fall without a parachute. I’ve also survived a winter, spring and summer without one, too”
"Fall" can be a season, and it can also mean a drop. This pun was posted on X/Twitter by Funny Dad Jokes on April 6, 2026: "I survived a fall without a parachute... I've also…
“I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? When does it end?”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…