“I prefer my kale with a silent ‘k’”
"I prefer my kale with a silent 'k'" -- that is, "ale" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. American television sports journalist Rich Esien…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way”
"Butter" is often used as a pun for "better." This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 9, 2019: "I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way."…
“I pretend coffee helps, but I’m still a bitch”
"I pretend that coffee helps, but I’m still a bitch" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I like to pretend that coffee helps but I'm still a…
“I pretended to be asleep and then I fell asleep. Now I’m going to pretend I’m skinny”
"I pretended to be asleep and then I fell asleep. Now I'm going to pretend I'm skinny" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I pretended to be asleep,…
“I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the pub last night. Especially as I walked there”
"I really shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I probably…
“I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don’t think they’re ugly or something”
People often cry when they cut up onions, but not when they cut up carrots or other vegetables. "I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don't think they're ugly or…
“I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, ‘moist’”
The word "moist" makes some people uncomfortable. This was posted on X/Twitter by Rodney Lacroix on November 20, 2023: "I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to…
“I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies. Yup, he’s my screen-savior”
A "screensaver" should not be confused with a "screen savior," but there are jokes. The "screen savior" pun has been printed on many images. "Jesus is my screen…
“I put ketchup in my eyes today. In Heinzsight, it was a bad idea”
"Hindsight" is sometimes joked as "Heinzsight" (involving Heinz ketchup). "Pouring ketchup in my eyes was a mistake in Heinz sight" was posted on Twitter by IVESGAGS…
“I put my heart and soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process”
"'I put my heart and soul into my work, and have half lost my mind in the process.' VINCENT VAN GOGH" was printed in the book Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890: Vision and Reality…
“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”
The comedy movie Airplane! (1980) has this classic joke: Striker: Surely you can't be serious?Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. A joke on the term "airplane mode"…
“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”
The comedy movie Airplane! (1980) has this classic joke: Striker: Surely you can't be serious?Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. A joke on the term "airplane mode"…
“I put my wife’s chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix”
The expression "get one's knickers in a twist" shouldn't be confused with "Snickers in a Twix," but there are jokes. Snickers and Twix are chocolate bars.…
“I put some yeast in my broth. The results were soup rising”
"Surprise" shouldn't be confused with "soup rise," but there are jokes. "overheard someone, who added yeast to their broth, say, ''Well, that was a…
“I put the thingamabob inside the whatchamacallit, turned the doohickey…”
Folksy "placeholder" words sound more ridiculous in the same sentence. "I've told them a hundred times 'Don't touch the whatchamacallit because it will make the…
“I question the timing” (IQTT)
"I question the timing" means that someone suspects political motivation behind an action. For example, a politician in New York City used to have high publicity porn busts right before…
“I quit as a taxi driver. Couldn’t stand all the people talking behind my back”
A taxi joke has the driver quit because people were talking behind his back. "(Mickey -- ed.) Finn crowd-pleases with some classic taxi humour like: 'That's what I hate about this…
“I quit my job as an escapologist. I couldn’t get out of it quick enough”
If you book an escapology course, or you have an escapologist job, they can be hard to get out of fast enough. Or so the jokes/puns have it. "I hated my job as an escapologist. I couldn't…
“I quit my job crushing cans. It was soda pressing”
"Soda pressing" is a pun for "so depressing." A rock song titled "Soda Pressing" by the punk group Boys was released in 1977. "He had a soft drink while catching…
“I quit my job over religious differences. My boss thought he was God and I didn’t”
A popular marriage joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.jewish on November 4, 2000: "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."…