“Eating clocks is time consuming”
"Eating clocks is time consuming" is a jocular line that has been printed on GIFs. "Once he ate a clock, but he didn't like it. It was time-consuming" was cited in a 2003…
“How to tell if an orange likes to party?”/“Just Invitamin-C.”
"How to tell if an orange likes to party. Just Invitamin-C" (invite 'em 'n' see) was posted on Reddit on May 29, 2016. The joke quickly became popular. redditHow to tell if…
“What do ramen noodles and ketchup taste like together?”/“Poverty.”
Ramen noodles are a low-budget meal. "Eating Chicken flavored Top Ramen with a glass of Strawberry Kool Aid. It taste like..like..wait..yep..it tastes like poverty" was cited on Twitter…
“When do you go on red and stop on green?”/“When eating a watermelon.”
A popular children's riddle is: Q: When do you go on red and stop on green?A: When you're eating a watermelon. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. February 2001, Ranger…
“There was a guy who played the organ in his garden to get organically grown food”
There's a pun about "organically grown" food: "There was a guy who played the organ in his garden to get organically grown food." The joke has been cited in print since at…
“So fast, I turned off the light in my hotel room and was in bed before it was dark”
The vaudeville team of Moran and Mack -- George Moran (1881-1949) and Charles E. Mack (1888-1934) -- told this joke in 1919: "Am I quick? Why, man, when I go to bed at night and turn out the…
“I saw a sign that said ‘Watch for children’” (joke)
A popular joke about a certain street sign is: "I saw a sign that said 'Watch for children' and I thought, 'That sounds like a fair trade.'" "'Watch for…
“What did one leftover say to the other?”/“Foiled again!”
There's a joke about leftovers: Q: What did one leftover say to the other?A: Foiled again! "'Foiled again!' said leftover roast when it was popped back into the…
“What do you call a helpful potato?”/“A facilitater.”
The potato has a few "-tater" jokes, such as: Q: What do you call a helpful potato?A: A facilitater. "Facili Tater= Helpful-puts faith and works into action" was cited in 2005.…
BTFVIX
THe financial blog Zero Hedge popularized "BTFD" (Buy The Fucking Dip) in 2010-11, stating that the "dip" was an opportunity to buy something at a cheaper price. This jocular…
Totalitolerance (totalitarian + tolerance)
"Totalitolerance" (totalitarian + tolerance) was cited in print in 2003 and 2004 and appears to have been first used in the United Kingdom. "Heard a great new word this morning:…
“An auditor is a watchdog, not a bloodhound”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Answers.comWhat is an auditor a watchdog or a bloodhound?The company's internal auditor is a watchdog, making sure rules are being followed. An external auditor is a…
“Why do only flat animals try to cross the road?”
"Why do only flat animals try to cross the road?" is a jocular question that Harold Ambrose Nuss asked on Twitter on January 24, 2013. "I can't be the only person who's…
“Synonym rolls…just like grammar used to make”
"Cinnamon rolls" have been jokingly referred to as "synonym rolls" since at least the 1990s. "Made some synonym rolls" was a popular tweet on July 9, 2014.…
Lego Cookery
Felipe Fernández-Armesto, a British historian, wrote in Near a Thousand Tables: A History of Food (2002): "Fusion food is Lego cookery. Only the revolution in availability makes it possible…
“What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors?”/“Pa snips.”
There aren't many jokes about parsnips, but there is a pun: Q: What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors?A: Pa snips. The joke has been cited in print since 2008. Pun of the…
Barns and No Bull (Barnes & Noble nickname)
Barnes & Noble booksellers began in New York City in 1886 and grew to become the largest retail bookseller in the United States. Barnes & Noble has been called "Barn(e)s and No…
“How do you make a Swiss roll?”/“Push him down a hill.”
A popular joke about the Swiss roll is: Q: How do you make a Swiss roll?A: Push him down a hill. "How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him down an Alp" was cited in print in 1968. “How do…
“What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink?”/“Booze.”
A "booze" ("boos") pun is: Q: What's a comedian's least favorite drink?A: Booze. The joke was cited on Twitter on May 20, 2015, but became popular after it was posted…
“What kind of bagel can fly?”/“A plain bagel.”
There's a popular bagel pun: Q: What kind of bagel can fly?A: A plain (plane) bagel. Peter Flom tweeted the joke on September 25, 2010, explaining tha it was "a joke my kid made up when…