“The most unrealistic thing about Monopoly is the free parking”
The board game Monopoly is sometimes said to be unrealistic. "The most unrealistic thing about Monopoly" was posted on Reddit -- Funny on March 2, 2014, referring to the card "BANK…
“Human statue street performers can be made to move by taking money out of the hat”
Many street performers stay still like statues; a hat is near them for donations. A joke was credited to an email by Chris Bird in February 2017: "Human statues can also be made to move by…
Girther (someone suspicious about another’s weight)
The term “girther” (girth + -er) is similar to the related terms "birther (a person skeptical about another person’s birth information) and “truther” (a person skeptical of the…
“Did you hear about the new deodorant called Umpire? It’s for foul balls”
"Foul balls" can mean one thing in baseball, but can mean another thing to men. A joke has been cited in print since at least 1972: "Did you hear about the new man's deodorant…
“You know it’s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation”
Specs of dirt on a computer screen can be mistaken for periods and commas. "Keeping a clean desk space is vital, otherwise you try to correct punctuation that in fact turns out to be a speck…
“The feeling of not having to work tomorrow is better than the feeling of not having to work today”
The dread of going back to work can spoil a day off. A work saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on January 18, 2018: "The feeling of not having to work tomorrow is better than the…
“What kind of driver never gets a ticket?”/“A screwdriver.”
A driver riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What kind of driver never gets a ticket?A: A screwdriver. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969. 22 May 1969, San Diego (CA)…
“Voting Democrat/Republican is like competing in the Special Olympics…”
The Special Olympics is a sports organization for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. A politically incorrect meme uses "Special Olympics" to define a meaningless victory.…
“Do burlesque shows have undress rehearsals?”
Many theatrical productions have dress rehearsals. Does a nude performance hold an "undress rehearsal"? "Undress Rehearsal-Burlesque" was the title of a painting reported in a…
“Agriculture majors who become farmers always find a job in their field”
Many college graduates can't find jobs in what they majored in. "In this economy even farmers are having a hard time getting a job in their field" was posted on Twitter on May 21,…
Girther (someone suspicious about another’s weight)
The term “girther” (girth + -er) is similar to the related terms "birther (a person skeptical about another person’s birth information) and “truther” (a person skeptical of the…
“What do you call a surreptitious shellfish?”/“Clamdestine.”
"Clamdestine" (clam + clandestine) is an infrequently used and jocular shellfish term. "Clamdestine -- Something secretive among shellfish" was published in The Arizona Republic…
“Did you bring bread for the pigeons (in the park)?”/“No, I eat them without the bread.”
Many people feed bread to the birds in a park. A joke has two homeless people talking on a park bench: HOMELESS PERSON ON PARK BENCH: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?SECOND HOMELESS PERSON: No,…
“I’m allergic to rice. I’m basmatic”
There's a difference between "asthmatic" (asthma) and "basmatic" (basmati rice), but there have been jokes. This was printed in the Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland) on…
“Use the word ‘beans’ in a sentence.”/“We are all human beans.”
"Human beings" sounds like "human beans." A joke was printed in Tit-Bits in 1933: "A teacher, giving a lesson on beans, asked the children to compose sentences containing…
“When my father came to America he was told the streets were paved with gold…”
For many immigrants to the United States (and especially to New York, through the Ellis Island immigration station), American was thought to be the "Golden Land" of opportunity, where the…
“I don’t think I ever want to be a mime. It just doesn’t speak to me”
"I don't think the art of being a mime holds any artistic value. It just doesn't speak to me" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on March 9, 2013. "As an art…
“Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics…”
The Special Olympics is a sports organization for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. A politically incorrect meme uses "Special Olympics" to define a meaningless victory.…
“Nuts are just tasty wood”
Some people view eating nuts like eating wood. "Aren't nuts weird? Like tasty wood" was posted on Twitter on July 6, 2010. "Nuts: 'Tasty wood'" was posted on…
“Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics…”
The Special Olympics is a sports organization for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. A politically incorrect meme uses "Special Olympics" to define a meaningless victory.…