“It’s not drinking alone if you’re pregnant”
Drinking alcohol while pregnant is bad, but it's the subject of a jocular one-liner. "It's not drinking alone if you're pregnant" was posted on Twitter by Al Coholic on…
“What’s the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?”/“About $50,000 a year.”
A joke about the earnings potential of philosophers is: Q: What’s the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?A: About $50,000 a year. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.philosophy…
“Make your exercise resolution on the Chinese new year to avoid crowded gyms”
Many people make a new year's resolution to go to the gym and lose weight. "I make my new years resolution on Chinese new year so the gym is less crowded" was posted on Twitter on…
“What did the cat say when he lost all his money?”/“I’m paw!”
A cat riddle is: Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?A: I'm paw! The "paw"/"poor" joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.games.tiberian-sun on October 23,…
“What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?”/“Every morning you’ll rise and shine!”
A popular breakfast riddle is: Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine! "The newest is a mixture of yeast and shoe polish for people who want…
“The real joke is always in the comments”
Reddit -- Jokes is a social website that contains many, many recycled jokes. After a recycled joke is posted, someone in the comments often adds a new twist. Another person then comments, "The…
“‘Wow, the Lean Cuisine really filled me up!’ said no one ever”
"'Wow, the Lean Cuisine really filled me up!' said no one ever" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. "Damn that lean cuisine filled me up!…
“What did the shoe say to the gum?”/“Stick with me and we’ll go places.”
A gum riddle is: Q: What did the shoe say to the gum?A: "Stick with me and we'll go places." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1987. 27 December 1987, Arkansas Democrat…
“My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are”
"My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by Just Bill on December 21, 2016. The saying has been printed…
“My baggage was lost on a layover in Helsinki. Guess it must have disappeared into Finnair”
Finnair (the national airline of Finland) sounds a little bit like "thin air." New York-born newspaper columnist Bennett Cerf (1898-1971) wrote in March 1970 (referring to a 1969 story in…
“What would Economics be without assumptions?”/“Accounting.”
A riddle about the subject of Economics has been cited in print since at least 2003: Q: What would Economics be without assumptions?A: Accounting. "Economics without assumptions is…
“What’s the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?”/“The alphabet has a W.”
A win in sports is often called a "W." A riddle is: Q: What's the difference between the [winless sports team] and the alphabet?A: The alphabet has a "W." "What's…
Dressed Resembling A Girl (“drag” backronym)
"Drag" is sometimes given the backronym (back acronym) of "DRess(ed) As a Girl" or "Dressed Resembling A Girl." The Oxford English Dictionary records "drag"…
“Lift your left leg up on December 31st at 11:59:59. Start the New Year off on the right foot”
The expression to start something "on the right foot" is usually not meant to be taken literally, but there have been jokes. "Before the clock strikes midnight, make sure to raise…
Mississippi: “What do you call a hippie’s wife?”/“Mississippi.”
The state of Mississippi sounds like "Mrs. Hippie." The pun has been cited in print since at least December 14, 1968, when this was printed in the Pittsburgh (PA) Post-Gazette: "A…
“How do you make rice wine cold?”/“Remove the ‘r.’”
"Rice wine" is just one letter from "ice wine." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Clean Jokes on January 1, 2018: Q: How do you make rice wine cold?A: Remove the "r."…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…
“I really want to buy a supermarket checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”
The supermarket checkout dividers are not for sale, but a joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on June 13, 2013: "No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers,…
“Firefighters never want the option of working from home”
"It's always good to find out you're going to be working from home, unless you're a fireman" is a jocular one-line saying from English writer and stand-up comedian Gary…
“Why don’t I eat beans? Because it gives migas”
"Migas" (a Tex-Mex dish) might sound like "me gas." A joke has been cited in print since at least 2015: Q: Why don’t I eat beans?A: Cuz it gives migas. Wikipedia: MigasMexican…