“I hate when people don’t watch where I’m going when I’m walking and texting”
People often walk while texting, but don't pay attention to where they're walking. "I hate when people don't watch where I'm going when I'm walking and I'm…
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“The ladder to success” (joke)
The word "success" sounds like "suck Cess." A bawdy joke has a person climb the "ladder to success," only to find a person at the top say, "I'm Cess."…
“I hate when you get hit by a car while walking down the street and texting and the car is parked”
People often walk while texting, but don't pay attention to where they're walking. Joel@joeljeffrey posted on Twitter on August 4, 2017: "I hate when you get hit by a car while…
“What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?” (joke)
Onions frequently make people cry. A classic riddle is: Q: What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?A: Most times you get an onion with big ears, but once in a great while you'll…
“Keep your friends close and your wine glass closer”
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is a famous line from the film The Godfather, Part II (1974). "Keep your friends close and your wine glass closer" is a…
“What do you call an eternity?”/“Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.”
A popular "dumb blonde" joke is: Q: What do you call eternity?A: Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on March 30, 1994. Google…
“What’s a teddy bear’s favorite pasta?”/“Tagliateddy.”
A pun on "tagliatelle" pasta is: Q: What's a teddy bear's favorite pasta?A: Tagliateddy. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.happy.valley on January 12, 2002. Wikipedia:…
“If your boss refuses to pay you more money, no problem. Just accuse them of raise-ism”
"Raise-ism" sounds a bit like "racism." "And asking for a raise is raiseism" was posted on Twitter on May 9, 2014. A work joke was posted on Twitter by LaffGaff on…
“85% of the Internet considers themselves an introvert and they are all outspoken about it”
Many people who use the internet are introverts -- and they tell everyone about it. A saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 15, 2017: "85% of the Internet considers…
FAANG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix and Google)
Entry in progress -- B.P. "FANTA" is a similar acronym that stands for Facebook, Amazon, Netflix, Tesla and Alphabet. "NOSH" stands for Nike, O’Reilly, Starbucks and Home…
“Is a subpar golfer good or bad?”
"Is a subpar golfer good or bad?" is a jocular saying. "Subpar" usually means below average (par), or bad. However, a golfer who goes below par is playing well. "If…
“How do you make Swiss cheese?”/“With a holey cow.”
A riddle about the holes in Swiss cheese is: Q: How do you make Swiss cheese?A: with a holey cow. "Do they use holy cows to make Swiss Cheese?" was posted on Twitter on April 5, 2009.…
“If a crab were employed in a pizza parlor, in which station would it work? A crust station.”
"Crustacean" sounds like "crust station." "My pet crab Pinchy, just got a job at Pizza Hut at the Crust Station. I'm so proud" is a pun that was posted on Twitter…
“What do you call a Russian tree that grows meat?”/“Dimitri.”
A pun on the name "Dimitri" is: Q: What do you call a Russian tree that grows meat?A: Dimitri. The joke was posted on Twitter by Luke Brown on June 21, 2012. Wikipedia: DmitryDmitry,…
“Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation”/“To Palm Beach.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Palm Beach, FloridaThe Town of Palm Beach is an incorporated town in Palm Beach County, Florida, United States. The Intracoastal Waterway separates it from the…
“What did the painter say to the wall?”/“One more crack and I’ll plaster you!”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitterjischinger @jischingersukatra - What did the painter say to the wall?7:40 PM - 30 Sep 2008 TwitterKelly @kellytruthsRT @Jack_In_ChicagoWhat did the painter…
“Why did the man put a clock under his desk?”/“He wanted to work overtime.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterLucky Score @LuckyScoreNetWhy did the man put a clock under his desk?He wanted to work overtime.#Joke from #TimeJokes in #Jokes, #Humor and #Satire2:36 PM - 12…
“What did the tornado say to the car?”/“You wanna go for a spin?”
A tornado riddle is: Q: What did the tornado say to the car?A: "You wanna go for a spin?" The weather joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on September 21, 2004. Google Groups:…
“What is an autograph?”/“A chart which shows car sales.”
A joke on the word "autograph" is: Q: What is an autograph?A: A chart which shows car sales. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2008. Free Funny JokesFunny Car And Train…
“What is a bear’s favorite drink?”/“Koka-Koala.”
The animal name "koala" sounds a bit like "cola." A popular children's riddle about the soft drink Coca-Cola is: Q: What is a bear's favorite drink?A:…