“Someone threw a bottle of mayo at me. I was like, what the Hellmann”
Hellmann's is a popular brand of mayonnaise. There are, of course, "hell man" jokes. "My girlfriend just threw mayonnaise at me, what the Hellman" was posted on Twitter by…
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“Employees must stop crying before returning to work. And wash your hands” (bathroom sign)
"Employees must stop crying before returning to work. And wash your hands" is a bathroom sign tat as been printed on many images. "Employees must stop crying before returning to…
“The only thing I know for sure about today is coffee. Everything else is just wild speculation”
"The only thing I know for sure about today is coffee. Everything else is just wild speculation" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "'The only thing I know…
“Junk is something you keep for years, then throw away two weeks before you actually need it”
"Junk is something you keep for years, then throw away two weeks before you actually need it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Junk: Something you keep ten…
“For every action, there is a social media overreaction”
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, plus a social media overreaction" (or "For every action, there is a social media overreaction") is a jocular saying…
“Sometimes I delete my own posts because I’m not the same person I was 4 minutes ago”
"Sometimes I delete my own posts because I'm not the same person I was 4-5 minutes ago" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Sometimes I delete my own…
“Nudeles: noodles eaten while naked”
"Nudeles" (nude + noodles) is a portmanteau word that is sometimes used for a naked chef who cooks noodles, or a naked eater who consumes noodles, or "naked pasta." "Pasta…
“I have to plug my phone into the charger so much I basically have a landline again”
"I have to plug my phone into the charger so much throughout the day that I basically have a landline again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I have to plug my…
“I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts: Leave me the fu cologne”
"Leave me the fuck alone!" is not the name of a cologne, but there are jokes. "Its my cologne! called leave me the fuck alone! Haha" was posted on Twitter by Oleg D on June 19,…
“Nudeles: noodles cooked while naked”
"Nudeles" (nude + noodles) is a portmanteau word that is sometimes used for a naked chef who cooks noodles, or a naked eater who consumes noodles, or "naked pasta." "Pasta…
“One minute, you’re young and fun. And the next, you’re turning down the car stereo to see better”
"One minute, you're young and fun. And the next, you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better" is a jocular saying about aging and driving that has been printed on…
“My job is more than just a paycheck. It’s a place I go and cry in the bathroom”
"A job is more than a paycheck. It's also a place where you cry in the bathroom" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. The perhaps all-too-realistic saying was…
“When you get older you form very strong opinions on different varieties of apples”
Does a person appreciate apple varieties more as one gets older? "So, when you get older you form very strong opinions on different varieties of apples" was posted on Twitter by Brian…
“Never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing. Dancing leads to slipping…”
"Never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing. Dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember, don't sing!" is a jocular saying that…
“A job is more than a paycheck. It’s also a place where you cry in the bathroom”
"A job is more than a paycheck. It's also a place where you cry in the bathroom" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. The perhaps all-too-realistic saying was…
“Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?”
"Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee" -- rather than "in a few minutes" -- is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Can I call you back in a few…
“Never underestimate a woman with a crock-pot and a can of cream of something soup”
"Never underestimate a woman with a crock-pot and a can of cream of something soup" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Never underestimate the power of a…
“Just had my car waxed. No idea how it gets so hairy”
Car waxing shouldn't be confused with bikini waxing, but there are jokes. "Will try and get the car waxed before the match tomorrow, I'm still not sure how it gets that…
“January was a tough year, but we made it through”
"January was a tough year, but we made it (through)" is a jocular January saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the month of January feels so long that it seems like a…
“Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves”
"Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Now if you'll excuse…