“I cried when my dad chopped Onions. Onions was a good dog”
Many people cry when they chop up onions, and this is the subject of a popular dark joke. "When I cut up onions, it always makes me cry. He was a good dog and will be missed" was posted…
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“People eat meat and think they will become as strong as an ox, forgetting that the ox eats grass”
"People eat meat and think they will become as strong as an ox, forgetting that the ox eats grass" ("La gente mangia carne e pensa: 'Diventerò forte come un bue'.…
“A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank…” (bar joke parody)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." Religious versions are: “A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender…
“I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling”
"I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling" -- "waffling" is a joke on "waffles" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on a sign. "This morning the…
“Why did the mathematician work from home?”/“Because he could only function in his domain.”
A math riddle is: Q: Why did the mathematician work from home?A: Because he could only function in his domain. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2012. TwitterPeter…
“Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in”
"Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in. Childhood is the free trial" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This quote was posted on…
“You have been assigned this mountain to show others that it can be moved”
"You have been assigned this mountain to show others (that) it can be moved" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is all about challenges…
“Never assume quiet is weak and loud is strong”
"Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Never assume quiet is weak and loud is strong. #leadership"…
“Alcohol is bad for my legs.”/ “Do they swell?”/ “No, they spread.”
"Alcohol is bad for my legs."/ "Do they swell?"/ "No, they spread" is a jocular conversation between a man and a woman that has been printed on many images. This was…
“If alcohol can damage your short term memory, just think what alcohol can do”
"If alcohol can damage your short term memory, just think what alcohol can do" -- "alcohol" is repeated because the speaker has had too much to drink -- is a jocular saying.…
“I saw a guy at the beach yelling, ‘Help! Shark! Help!’ I knew the shark wasn’t helping”
"I saw a guy at the beach yelling, 'Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him" is a joke that as been printed on many images. The person…
“Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak”
"Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Never assume quiet is weak and loud is strong. #leadership"…
“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do”
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do" is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "LATEST DEFINITION of an…
“My family says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it”
"My family/husband/wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it" -- that is, the speaker sleeps at work -- is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many…
“Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without the batteries. It fills you up, but lacks the buzz”
"Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without the batteries. It fills you up, but lacks the buzz" is a beer saying that has been printed on many images. "Non-alcoholic beer is like…
“My husband says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it”
"My family/husband/wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it" -- that is, the speaker sleeps at work -- is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many…
“My wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it”
"My family/husband/wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it" -- that is, the speaker sleeps at work -- is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many…
“Welcome to Facebook. If you’re not already friends with a creepy stalker, one will be assigned”
"Welcome to Facebook/Instagram/Twitter! If you're not already friends with a creepy stalker, one will be assigned to you" is a social media saying that as been printed on several…
“I start my new job as an apprentice bell ringer. Someone will be showing me the ropes”
To "show someone the ropes" is an expression that began on sailing ships. The literal ropes are usually a metaphor in this common work expression, but there are bell ringer jokes.…
“I was named after my dad. Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him”
"Me? I was named after my father, who was named after his father. I should say, 'named for,' for how many of us were named before our fathers?" is an obvious saying that was…