“I went to Legoland last week. People were lined up for blocks”
"I went to legoland last week and it was packed. People were lined up for blocks" was posted on Twitter by "my puns have a Claus and effect" on November 8, 2018. Legos are…
“I went to the corner shop—bought four corners” (joke)
"Went to the corner shop -- bought four corners" is on several lists of the funniest jokes of all time. The joke has been credited to British prop comedian Tommy Cooper (1921-1984), but…
“I went to the worst escape room ever. It’s called IKEA”
The IKEA furniture store can be confusing to many people, who have compared it to leaving an escape room. "Me all the time: this IKEA is the worst escape room ever." was posted on Twitter…
“I will be mailing out W-2s on January 2nd for everyone who was in my business this year”
"Sending W-2s out to everyone who's been in my business all year" (or "I will be mailing out W-2s on January 2nd for everyone who was in my business this year") is a…
“I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I will start working when my coffee does”
"I will start working when my coffee does" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as coffee mugs, posters and T-shirts. "I start working when the coffee…
“I wish 8 hours of sleep went as slow as 8 hours of work”
"I wish 8 hours of sleep went as slow as 8 hours of work (or school)" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The hours of sleep seem to go by quickly, but the hours of work or…
“I wish I’d paid better attention during my first rodeo”
“This ain’t my first rodeo” (or "This is not my first rodeo") is a popular saying. It is an expression that means “I wasn’t born yesterday” (I’m not naive in these matters),…
“I wish I’d paid more attention during my first rodeo”
“This ain’t my first rodeo” (or "This is not my first rodeo") is a popular saying. It is an expression that means “I wasn’t born yesterday” (I’m not naive in these matters),…
“I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance”
"I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I think travel therapy and vacation ought to be covered by health…
“I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully I was at work”
"I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully I was at work" is a joke that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the speaker wasn't…
“I woke up this morning and realized I don’t have what it takes to sit back and be average”
Entry in progress -- B.P. 15 October 2017, Journal-Gazette (Fort Wayne, IN), "Lead On: Authors shed light as bosses have their day," pg. H2:Here's a few sayings that surfaced on…
“I won’t use someone’s pronouns for the same reason I won’t talk to a schizophrenic’s imaginary friends”
"I won't use someone's pronouns for the same reason I won't talk to a schizophrenic's imaginary friends" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker…
“I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it”
A zebra has stripes; some people have compared this to a barcode. "I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes”
A business often states that a phone conversation with a customer may be recorded and used for training or quality purposes. "Sometimes I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for…
“I wonder what it’s like to actually have your shit together. I bet it’s glorious. I bet they let you ride unicorns”
"I wonder what it's like to actually have your shit together. I bet it's glorious. I bet they let you ride unicorns" is a jocula saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I work as a living statue. It’s a permanent position”
Many job seekers want a "permanent position." A "permanent position" doesn't mean to become a statue, but there are jokes. "Finally managed to get myself a job as a…
“I work hard so my dog can have a better life”
"I work hard so my dog can have a better life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Working hard so my dog can have a better life!" was posted on Twitter…
“I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold”
A joke was submitted to the UK Pun Championships by Colin Chadwick in February 2016: "I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold." The pun is on "twofold,"…
“I worked as an executioner at a gallows, but I couldn’t get the hang of it”
Some people who work or who go to school can't "get the hang of it" (understand it). This expression usually has nothing to do with hanging, but there are jokes. "Why was the…