“I’m an amateur crastinator, but I’m hoping to go pro eventually”
"I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro" is a jocular procrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm an amateur crastinator. Someday I'll…
“I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma”
Many people -- if not all -- like to get paid without doing any work. "I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma" was posted on Twitter by Tuesdays with Taca on January 17,…
“I’m aspirin’ to be a pharmacist”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
“I’m done being a people pleaser, if everyone’s OK with that”
A "people-pleaser" joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 17, 2020: "I’m done being a people pleaser. If everyone’s ok with that." "I’m done being a people…
“I’m here experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour”
"I am currently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFS per hour" (WTF = What The Fuck) is a saying that has been printed on many images. There are several minor variations. "is…
“I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30”
"I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Im Late For My studio session Because…
“I’m not a competitive person. I’m always the first to admit it”
"I'm not a competitive person... I'll be the first to admit it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not a competitive person.... I'll…
“I’m not super useful until I’ve had coffee, then I get jittery followed by a caffeine crash…”
A joke about work was posted on X/Twitter by @dad_hard on February 15, 2023: "I’m not super useful until I’ve had coffee, then I get jittery followed by a caffeine crash. At 11 I’m too…
“I’m offended by bills, can we cancel them!? Isn’t that how it works now?”
A jocular statement on cancel culture was posted on Facebook by Chewy Smalls on March 2, 2021: "I’m offended by bills, can we cancel them!?Isn’t that how it works now?" Wikipedia:…
“I’m proud of my job as a podium salesman. It’s a product I can stand behind”
Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…
“I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists”
For some people, a "to-do list" is a short list of things that they wish to do, but will not. "I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists" was posted on…
“I’m sorry but the scholastic book fair did not inspire a love of reading it created my love of shopping”
Schools often sponsor a scholastic book fair. This comment was posted on X/Twitter by Adam on September 15, 2024, and it received over 313,000 likes: "i’m sorry but the scholastic book fair…
“Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Don MarquisDonald Robert Perry Marquis (/ˈmɑːrkwɪs/ mar-kwis; July 29, 1878 in Walnut, Illinois – December 29, 1937 in New York City) was a humorist,…
“If ‘Plan A’ doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters”
If "Plan A" (the first option) doesn't work, people either quit or move on to "Plan B" (the second option). "If 'Plan A' didn't/doesn't work,…
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign”
"A cluttered up desk is the sign of a cluttered up mind" has been cited in print since at least 1947. "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty…
“If a listener nods his head when you’re explaining your program, wake him up”
"If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up" is a jocular one-line saying written by American computer scientist Alan Jay Perlis (1922-1990) in his…
“If a manager at work gets the covid, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic affected workplaces -- even butt-kissers. "If a supervisor at work gets COVID, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested? Asking for a friend"…
“If a morgue worker dies they’d still need to come in to work one more time”
a joke about the job of a morgue worker was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on March 11, 2020: "If a morgue worker dies they'd still need to come in to work one more time." Reddit…
“If a supervisor at work gets the covid, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic affected workplaces -- even butt-kissers. "If a supervisor at work gets COVID, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested? Asking for a friend"…
“If a train station is where a train stops, then what’s a workstation?” (joke)
"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station." This joke (a work station is where work stops?) has been cited in print…