“I need some kinda cation… vacation… staycation… medication…”
"I need some kinda cation... vacation... staycation... medication..." (or "I need some kind of cation... vacation... staycation... medication...") is a jocular saying that has…
“I need to find a hobby that doesn’t include eating or buying things”
"I need to find a hobby that doesn't include eating or buying things" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "I need to find a hobby…
“I need to find a way to be asleep, but still get all my work done”
"I need to find a way to be asleep. but still get all my work done" is a jocular one-line work saying. The saying was posted on Twitter on December 9, 2010. TwitterAlex @superhiceeI…
“I need to get my life together but I’m kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end”
"I need to get back in shape, but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it” (Estée Lauder)
"I never dreamed about success. I worked for it" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. American businessperson Estée Lauder (1908-2004) -- born Josephine Esther…
“I never finish anyth”
"I never finish anyth" -- the word "anything" is unfinished -- is a jocular alcohol saying that has been printed on many images. "I never finish anyth” as been cited in…
“I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts”
"I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts" -- a pun on "martial arts" --was posted on Twitter by The Untastic Mr. Fitz on July 15, 2012. "I never finish…
“I never question myself. Why should I start now?”
"I never question myself. Why should I start now?" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by "KD" on July 1, 2010. The second sentence jokes on the first.…
“I never thought I would see the day when weed was easier to get than toilet paper”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying and shortages in toilet paper and hand sanitizer. "Two weeks left to stock up cookies! They're a lot easier to get than toilet…
“I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m a professional now… I dislike the whole week”
Many people dislike Monday, which is the traditional start to the work week. "I no longer dislike Mondays, I'm mature now... I dislike the whole week" is a jocular saying that has…
“I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week”
Many people dislike Monday, which is the traditional start to the work week. "I no longer dislike Mondays, I'm mature now... I dislike the whole week" is a jocular saying that has…
“I once had a job drilling holes. It was really boring”
"I once had a job drilling holes in wood. It was really boring" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on May 18, 1998. The pun plays on the two meanings of "boring."…
“I once worked as a salesman and was very independent. I took orders from no one”
American humorist Gerald Barzan was credited in the book The Greatest Laughs of All Time (1961), by Gerald F. Lieberman, with a popular line about working as a salesman: "I once worked as a…
“I once worked with someone who told customers ‘sorry, it’s my first day!’ any time they messed up, for 2 years straight”
"Sorry, it’s my first day on the job" is a popular employee work excuse. This was posted on X/Twitter by makayla on May 19, 2021, and received over 728,000 likes: "i once worked…
“I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes”
"I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on December 25, 2014. TwitterJ…
“I passed a drug test recently, which is strange because I don’t remember eating one”
"@AuburnJokes: An Auburn player recently passed a drug test. Which was strange because he didn't remember eating one" was posted on Twitter by Michael D'Elia on April 29, 2012.…
“I put my heart and soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process”
"'I put my heart and soul into my work, and have half lost my mind in the process.' VINCENT VAN GOGH" was printed in the book Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890: Vision and Reality…
“I put the thingamabob inside the whatchamacallit, turned the doohickey…”
Folksy "placeholder" words sound more ridiculous in the same sentence. "I've told them a hundred times 'Don't touch the whatchamacallit because it will make the…
“I quit my job crushing cans. It was soda pressing”
"Soda pressing" is a pun for "so depressing." A rock song titled "Soda Pressing" by the punk group Boys was released in 1977. "He had a soft drink while catching…
“I quit my job over religious differences. My boss thought he was God and I didn’t”
A popular marriage joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.jewish on November 4, 2000: "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."…