“I didn’t realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo”
“This ain’t my first rodeo” (or "This is not my first rodeo") is a popular saying. It is an expression that means "I wasn't born yesterday" (I'm not naive in…
“I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.”
"I didn't say it was your fault -- I said I was going to blame you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and T-shirts. The saying is what a…
“I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance exam”
Many jobs have entrance exams. This joke was posted by many people on X/Twitter and Facebook on January 30, 2022: "I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance…
“I didn’t like working at the steel plant. It smelt”
"Smelling" and "smelting" shouldn't be confused, but there are jokes. This pun was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on January 26, 2024: "I didn’t like working at the…
“I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far”
A 301(k) retirement savings contribution plan shouldn't be confused with a 10K (kilometers) run, but there's a joke: "I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's…
“I do many things well. None of which generate income”
"I do many things well. None of which generate income" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (“I do many things well, none of which generates an…
“I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I do not have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels and they’re everywhere”
To "get one's ducks in a row" means to take care of one’s duties and responsibilities. Many people do not have their "ducks in a row." "I don't have ducks. I…
“I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch”
"I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many people would rather relax at home than go to work. The saying was…
“I don’t advertise my lip reading business. It’s all word of mouth”
Some businesses don't advertise, but succeed by word of mouth. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 26, 2018: "I don't advertise my lip reading business. It's all…
“I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work”
"I don't always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I'm probably at work" -- a work variation of the :Most Interesting Man in the World" meme -- is a jocular saying that…
“I don’t call the shots I just drink them”
The phrase "call the shots" shouldn't be confused with shots of alcohol, but there are jokes. "YOU CALL THE SHOTS... or you just drink em!" was posted on Facebook by X…
“I don’t drink alcohol on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more motivation…”
"I don't drink alcohol on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more motivation to tell everyone to fuck off" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I don’t feel very worky today”
"I'm not feeling very worky today" and "I don't feel very worky today" are work sayings that have been printed on many images. "now its time to work, not feeling…
“I don’t get how people afford life without a job. I can’t even afford it with a job”
Many people live paycheck to paycheck, just barely surviving. Other people don't seem to have jobs, but manage to survive. "Just don't get how people afford life without a job ??? I…
“I don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day”
“We don’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day" is what supermodel Linda Evangelista said in Vogue, “Pretty Women,” by Jonathan Van Meter, October 1990. Evangelista was joking, talking…
“I don’t hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I don’t have a five year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life”
Many people try to make five year plans, for education and career (or retirement). However, after a year or two into the five year plan, the plan often falls apart. "I don't have a five…
“I don’t have ducks or a row. I have chickens and they are everywhere”
To "get one's ducks in a row" means to take care of one’s duties and responsibilities. Many people do not have their "ducks in a row." "I don't have ducks. I…
“I don’t have ducks. I don’t have a row. I have squirrels and they’re all drunk”
To "get one's ducks in a row" means to take care of one’s duties and responsibilities. Many people do not have their "ducks in a row." "I don't have ducks. I…