“I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me” (joke)
An employment joke was printed in the Wilmington (DE) Morning News on December 26, 1933: "If the boss doesn't take back what he said to me, I shall leave.""What did he…
“I decided to greet my coworkers with a ‘Congrats on not dying in your sleep’”
"Good morning, Warren, and congratulations on once again not dying in your sleep…" is a jocular version of "good morning" that was posted on Twitter by Munsi on January 3,…
“I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today. I just showed up to work 20 minutes early”
One disadvantage of speeding -- besides potentially getting a speeding ticket -- is that the driver might arrive at a destination too early. "I definitely learned my lesson about speeding…
“I didn’t come this far to only come this far”
"I didn't come this far to only come this far" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "From a FB friend: 'I didn't come this far, to only come…
“I didn’t get there by wishing for it or hoping for it, but by working for it” (Estée Lauder)
"I never dreamed about success. I worked for it" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. American businessperson Estée Lauder (1908-2004) -- born Josephine Esther…
“I didn’t realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo”
“This ain’t my first rodeo” (or "This is not my first rodeo") is a popular saying. It is an expression that means "I wasn't born yesterday" (I'm not naive in…
“I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.”
"I didn't say it was your fault -- I said I was going to blame you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and T-shirts. The saying is what a…
“I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance exam”
Many jobs have entrance exams. This joke was posted by many people on X/Twitter and Facebook on January 30, 2022: "I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance…
“I didn’t like working at the steel plant. It smelt”
"Smelling" and "smelting" shouldn't be confused, but there are jokes. This pun was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on January 26, 2024: "I didn’t like working at the…
“I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far”
A 301(k) retirement savings contribution plan shouldn't be confused with a 10K (kilometers) run, but there's a joke: "I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's…
“I do many things well. None of which generate income”
"I do many things well. None of which generate income" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (“I do many things well, none of which generates an…
“I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I do not have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels and they’re everywhere”
To "get one's ducks in a row" means to take care of one’s duties and responsibilities. Many people do not have their "ducks in a row." "I don't have ducks. I…
“I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch”
"I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many people would rather relax at home than go to work. The saying was…
“I don’t advertise my lip reading business. It’s all word of mouth”
Some businesses don't advertise, but succeed by word of mouth. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 26, 2018: "I don't advertise my lip reading business. It's all…
“I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work”
"I don't always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I'm probably at work" -- a work variation of the :Most Interesting Man in the World" meme -- is a jocular saying that…
“I don’t call the shots I just drink them”
The phrase "call the shots" shouldn't be confused with shots of alcohol, but there are jokes. "YOU CALL THE SHOTS... or you just drink em!" was posted on Facebook by X…
“I don’t drink alcohol on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more motivation…”
"I don't drink alcohol on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more motivation to tell everyone to fuck off" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I don’t feel very worky today”
"I'm not feeling very worky today" and "I don't feel very worky today" are work sayings that have been printed on many images. "now its time to work, not feeling…
“I don’t get how people afford life without a job. I can’t even afford it with a job”
Many people live paycheck to paycheck, just barely surviving. Other people don't seem to have jobs, but manage to survive. "Just don't get how people afford life without a job ??? I…