“I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail”
"Hurts like hail" sounds like "hurts like hell." "Frozen rain, when it hits you, hurts like hail" was published in a 1987 newspaper. "I don't know if I just…
“I don’t understand why 14/3 is Pi Day. Isn’t 22/7 a better choice?”
Pi Day is March 14th (3/14), just as Pi is "3.14." However, many non-U.S. countries represent dates by day-month, making this date 14/3. The date of 3/14 is "American Pi (Day)."…
“I don’t wish people ‘Good morning.’ I just say ‘Morning,’ then it’s up to them…”
"I don't wish people 'Good morning.' I just say 'Morning,' then it's up to them. I'm not taking responsibility for that shit" (or "I don't…
“I don’t wish people a ‘Good morning.’ I just say ‘Morning’ and what kind they actually have, is totally up to them…”
"I don't wish people 'Good morning.' I just say 'Morning,' then it's up to them. I'm not taking responsibility for that shit" (or "I don't…
“I feel sorry for short people. When it rains, they’re the last to know”
"I feel sorry for short people," a popular joke goes. "When it's raining, they're the last to know." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1970. In 1971, the…
“I finally watched the documentary on clocks. It was about time”
"They're finally making a documentary about the invention of clocks. It's about time!" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by drewtarvin on June 26, 2012. "Did you hear…
“I give the eclipse one star”
How does one rate an eclipse? How many stars? "I score the eclipse, minus one star" was posted on Twitter on March 20, 2015. Reviewers of the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse were more…
“I got a job making plastic Draculas. Two of us work, so I have to make every second count”
To "make every second count" does not mean to "make every second Count Dracula," but there are jokes. "Bought a Dracula themed clock. Every second Count" was posted on…
“I got fired from my job at the clock factory today. After all those extra hours I put in!”
Putting in extra hours at work -- is that a good or a bad thing? "I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in" is a joke that was posted…
“I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off”
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off" went viral on Twitter on November 19, 2010. The one-liner has been included on many jokes…
“I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell”
"I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "It's hot af fam. This weather made…
“I hate this time of the year. It’s like winter and spring are fighting over custody”
Late-February through March can feel like winter or spring. "I hate this time of the year. It’s like winter and spring are fighting over custody" was posted on Twitter by Gorgeous Demon…
“I hate when people use GM in place of good morning. General Motors to you, too”
"GM" can mean "Good Morning," but it can also mean "General Motors." "General Motors to you too! ;)" was posted on Twitter by Vimoh ⚡ on December 1, 2008.…
“I have been staring at an orchard to tell the time. It’s an Apple Watch”
An Apple Watch is not the same as watching apples, but there are jokes. "The only 'Apple watch' I'll be doing this autumn is at an orchard #amirite" was posted on Twitter…
“I have two reactions when I leave the house: 1. Ew, the weather. 2. Ew, the people”
"I have two reactions when I leave the house: 1. Ew, the weather. 2. Ew, the people" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I have two reactions when I leave…
“I haven’t been this excited about a Friday, since last Friday”
"I haven't been so/this excited about Friday since last Friday" (or "I haven't been this excited about a Friday, since last Friday") is a Friday saying that has been…
“I haven’t been this excited about Friday since last Friday”
"I haven't been so/this excited about Friday since last Friday" (or "I haven't been this excited about a Friday, since last Friday") is a Friday saying that has been…
“I haven’t owned a watch for I don’t know how long”
"For I don't know how long" is an expression for a long period of time, but there's a joke: "I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long." The joke was…
“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)
A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…
“I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?”
"Since I'm going in different time zones and am gaining hours, does that make me a time traveler?" was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. "If I keep traveling to different…