“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“I bought a second-hand time machine next Tuesday…”
There are many time travel jokes. "MATT KING on THE STAND-UP SHOW: 'I bought a second-hand time machine about three weeks from now. It was useless, it broke down tomorrow'" is a…
“I can ski clearly now the rain has gone”
"I Can See Clearly Now" is a 1972 song written by Johnny Nash (1940-2020). "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" is the first line. "I can ski clearly now the rain…
“I can ski clearly now the rain is gone”
"I Can See Clearly Now" is a 1972 song written by Johnny Nash (1940-2020). "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" is the first line. "I can ski clearly now the rain…
“I can time travel into the future at the rate of one second per second”
We all time travel. "I can time travel.... but only forwards.....and really slowly... at one second per second" was posted on Twitter by Rudy Lippert on July 26, 2010. "I time travel…
“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person”
"I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person" is a jocular New Year's one-line saying that has been printed on an ecard. Someecards posted…
“I can’t wait for warm summer nights, outside on the patio. *326 mosquitos liked your post*”
"I can't wait for warm summer nights, outside on the patio. *326 mosquitos liked your post*" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations. "(On…
“I can’t wait till camping season starts!!! *207 mosquitos liked your post*”
"I can't wait for warm summer nights, outside on the patio. *326 mosquitos liked your post*" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations. "(On…
“I can’t wait to be sitting on the riverbank night fishing *207 mosquitos liked your post*”
"I can't wait for warm summer nights, outside on the patio. *326 mosquitos liked your post*" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations. "(On…
“I can’t believe it’s already that time of year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbor’s yard”
"I can’t believe it’s already that time of year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbor’s yard" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I can’t believe it’s already the time of year again when I have to rake my leaves into my neighbor’s yard”
"I can’t believe it’s already that time of year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbor’s yard" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I cannot tell time because clocks have no ears”
When you "tell time" you're not speaking to time, but there are jokes. "How do I tell time when clocks have no ears?" was posted on Reddit -- Shittyaskscience on March 7,…
“I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions”
"I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. April 20th (4/20) is "420 Day," a celebration of…
“I come at the beginning of end and at the end of time. What am I?” (riddle)
The letter "e" has several riddles. This was printed in The Lady's Magazine in December 1787: "THE beginning of eternity,The end of time and space,The beginning of every end,And…
“I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I don’t care if it’s Friday the 13th. I’m just happy it’s finally Friday!”
"I don't care if it's Friday the 13th. I'm just happy it's finally Friday!" is a Friday saying that has been printed on many images. "Finally Friday! Woohoo. I…
“I don’t hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I don’t hate you, but you are the Monday of my life”
Many people hate Mondays. "How to say I hate you in a nice way? 'You are the Monday of my life'" and "Don't tell anyone 'I hate you' directly. Say 'You…
“I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail”
"Hurts like hail" sounds like "hurts like hell." "Frozen rain, when it hits you, hurts like hail" was published in a 1987 newspaper. "I don't know if I just…
“I don’t understand why 14/3 is Pi Day. Isn’t 22/7 a better choice?”
Pi Day is March 14th (3/14), just as Pi is "3.14." However, many non-U.S. countries represent dates by day-month, making this date 14/3. The date of 3/14 is "American Pi (Day)."…