“I’m at the grocery store, lost in the eggs aisle”
"Exile" sounds like "eggs aisle," and there are jokes. "Eggs Aisle" is track 10 on Live from Space (2013), the first and only live album by American rapper Mac Miller…
“I’m fat because I’m full of experiences. And most of those experiences took place at restaurants”
"I'm fat because I'm full of experiences. And most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying…
“I’m going to a notable restaurant tonight. I’m excited, but I don’t know where I’ll put my plate”
There's a difference between a "notable" restaurant and a "no table" restaurant. "I'm going to a notable restaurant tonight. I'm excited, but I don't…
“I’m going to open a Vietnamese soup/Southern barbeque restaurant and call it Ph? Que”
What would a fusion restaurant serving Vietnamese "pho" and Southern barbecue ("Que" or "Cue" or "Q") be called? "I want to open a Vietnamese BBQ place…
“I’m going to the strip club. The chicken strip club. I mean Chick-Fil-A”
Chicken strips are deep fried pieces of chicken meat. "Chicken strips" doesn't mean that chicken takes off its clothes (strips), but there are jokes. A "chicken strip club"…
“I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I’m just at the bottle shop”
"I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I'm just at the liquor store" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm in a good place right…
“I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I’m just at the liquor store”
"I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I'm just at the liquor store" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm in a good place right…
“I’m just a man, a man struggling to open a plastic vegetable bag at the grocery store”
The plastic vegetable bags at supermarkets are sometimes difficult to open, especially for men who are unfamiliar with them. "I'm just a man, a man struggling to open a plastic vegetable…
“I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell”
Ordering coffee can be a mystifying experience. "Ordering Starbucks is a lot like casting wizard spells. You must speak the words of power correctly, lest you get unintended…
“I’m so bad at chess the only way I’ll get to say ‘checkmate’ is at an Australian restaurant”
There's a difference between "Checkmate!" (said at the end of a game of chess) and "Check/cheque, mate!" (said at the end of a restaurant meal in Australia), but it's…
“I’ve been thrown out of better places than this!”
"I've been thrown out of better places/joints/bars/restaurants/hotels than this!" is a humorous saying by someone getting removed from a location. Ferenc Molnár's popular…
“I’ve never been in love, but I imagine it’s like when the waiter brings your food”
"I've never been in love, but I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food" is a jocular saying that's popular on Twitter.…
“I’ll have a rum and coke” (joke)
Can you substitute a Pepsi in a "rum and coke"? Dan Mentos made a popular tweet on November 23, 2014: “I’ll have a rum and coke”Is pepsi ok?“Sure whatever”*hands you a pepsi and…
“I’ve done a survey on how people walk home from the pub. The results are staggering”
"Staggering" can mean "the motion of someone who staggers" (noun) and "incredible" or "amazing" (adjective). A pun was posted on Twitter by Me Lord (and…
“Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer. Thereisnospacebar”
The space bar on a keyboard is not a bar that serves drinks, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 28, 2020:…
“If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules”
"If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules" and "If a bacon package isn't resealable, it contains one serving. That's science. I…
“If a crab were employed in a pizza parlor, in which station would it work? A crust station.”
"Crustacean" sounds like "crust station." "My pet crab Pinchy, just got a job at Pizza Hut at the Crust Station. I'm so proud" is a pun that was posted on Twitter…
“If a sushi restaurant is giving you a discount, don’t take it. You’re getting a raw deal”
The expression "raw deal" doesn't usually involve raw seafood, but there are jokes. "There's an 'eat as much as you like for £4' special at my local sushi…
“If an ice cream van breaks down, do they have to put out cones?”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterThe Dad Joke Man @DadJokeManIf an ice cream van breaks down, do they have to put out cones?#SundayThoughts11:14 AM · May 2, 2021·Twitter for iPhone Reddit --…
“If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits”
"Free spirits" usually doesn't mean "open bar," but this is a subject of several jokes. "Perking up at 'free spirits.' Is there an open bar somewhere?"…