“I asked my chef friend if they ever serve steak raw. He said yeah, but it’s rare”
People sometimes ask for "raw" steak when they mean "rare." "Sometimes I like my steak raw, but that's rare" was posted on Twitter on December 12, 2012. "Few…
“I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper? She said they’re old school” (joke)
Are newspapers obsolete? "iPad can't replace a newspaper for sure at least in swatting a fly!" was posted on Twitter on September 10, 2010. A joke was posted on Twitter on June 24,…
“I asked my gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said, ‘How flexible are you?’”
A person can be physically flexible, and the person's schedule can also be flexible. There are several jokes. "So I said to the Gym instructor 'Can you teach me to do the…
“I asked my North Korean friend how it was there. He said he couldn’t complain”
"I can't complain" usually means "I have no complaints," but it can also mean "I'm not allowed to complain." A joke about an oppressive governmental regime…
“I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, ‘How about walking through the room naked?’”
Amazon Alexa is a virtual assistant AI technology developed by Amazon. A joke involves "turn on" (to excite) and "turn off" (the opposite). "I asked my wife how to turn…
“I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She told me to start talking about my fantasy football team”
Amazon Alexa is a virtual assistant AI technology developed by Amazon. A joke involves "turn on" (to excite) and "turn off" (the opposite). "I asked my wife how to turn…
“I asked my wife to act like a ‘naughty school girl.’ She forged a note from her mother…”
"My husband asked me to act like a 'naughty school girl' for him so I forged a note from my mother saying I don’t have to participate" is a sex joke that was posted on Twitter…
“I asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!”
A popular and obvious pun on "bank balance" was cited in print by at least 2006: "Went to the cash machine yesterday - an old and confused lady asked me to help check her balance -…
“I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!”
New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) is frequently credited for this joke: "One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!" The…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call” (joke)
A hotel "wake-up call" is usually a morning wake-up call, but some jokes have it as a "wake-up call" for one's life. "I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up…
“I asked the passenger next to me if they’d switch seats since I was flying with my family. They declined. So now I’m sitting with my family”
Family memebers usually want to sit together on an airplane, but this isn't always the case. "I was a on a flight yesterday and I asked a guy to switch seats with me because I was…
“I asked the teenager working at McDonald’s if the shamrock shakes were made with fresh shamrocks”
McDonald's "Shamrock Shake" is a green mint flavored milkshake, offered in March to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. The milkshake contains no shamrocks. "I asked the 16 year…
“I asked the waiter if I could get 48 pancakes on a single plate. He said he wasn’t sure, that’s a pretty tall order”
The phrase "a tall order" usually means a difficult task, but sometimes it also means literally a tall order. This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 18, 2023: "I asked the…
“I asked the waiter, ‘Is my tomato soup ready?’ He replied, ‘Of course it is. What color did you expect it to be?’”
"Ready" shouldn't be confused with "reddy," but there are jokes. This was posted on Facebook by William Wilson on October 14, 2024" "Ordered tomato soup as a…
“I asked the waitress for a ‘quickie’ and she slapped me” (quiche joke)
A popular food joke has a man tell a waitress that he wants a "quickie." She slaps him. Another diner tells the man, "I think that's pronounced 'quiche.'" The…
“I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sitting next to a screaming baby” (joke)
A jocular comment about parenting on an airplane is: "Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is…
“I assume I burn at least 1,000 calories every time I put a fitted sheet on a bed by myself”
"I burn about 2000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Putting a itted sheet on a bed can be a challenge.…
“I assume people who don’t drink coffee just die around 2 p.m.”
"I assume people who don't drink coffee just die around 2 p.m." (or "I assume that people who don't drink coffee all die around 2 p.m.") is a coffee saying that has…