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April 13, 2023
Food/Drink

“I am soo glad I don’t have to actually hunt. I have no fucking clue where gluten free tacos live”

"I am so glad that I don't have to actually hunt. I have no clue where gluten free tacos live" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm so glad I don't…

October 10, 2016
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them”

"I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them" is an elevator pun that has been printed on many images. "In fact, I'm so opposed to space…

December 7, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I am the human version of tangled Christmas lights”

"I am the human version of tangled Christmas lights" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker's life is not in proper working order. "I'm the…

December 7, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I am the human version of tangled earphones”

"I am the human version of tangled earphones" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker’s life is not in proper working order. "You are the human…

December 7, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I am the human version of tangled fairy lights”

"I am the human version of tangled Christmas lights" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker's life is not in proper working order. "I'm the…

December 7, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I am the human version of tangled headphones”

"I am the human version of tangled headphones" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker’s life is not in proper working order. "When I drink coffee…

March 28, 2024
Food/Drink

“I am the tequila, not the lime”

"Don’t be a chaser, be the one who gets chased. You are the tequila, not the lime" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "You are the tequila, not the lime,"…

March 31, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I am tired of being a part of a major historical event” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic was a major historical event. Not everyone was happy to be a part of it. "I am tired of being a part of a major historical event" as posted on Twitter…

May 9, 2018
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“I am transfinancial. I’m a rich man trapped in a poor man’s body”

An explanation of the term "transfinancial" (transsexual + financial) has been printed on several images. "Let me introduce myself. I'm transfinancial, I'm a rich man…

August 6, 2024
Food/Drink

“I am trying to be healthy and grow my own food, but I can’t find any doughnut seeds”

Donuts (or "doughnuts") aren't healthy and do not grow from seeds, but there are jokes. "Was thinking today i might try to grow some of my own food... Where do you buy donut and…

September 26, 2019
Work/Businesses

“I am writing a book. It is called ‘I have a job’. It is a working title”

A "working title" doesn't have to involve work, but there are jokes. "It's a working title but it doesn't have a job" was posted on Twitter by tintrospek on…

June 27, 2021
Sports/Games

“I am yet again asking the Olympics to simply let a regular non athlete person do the event first”

Olympic athletes can make difficult moves look easy. Kelsey McKinney asked on Twitter on June 19, 2021: "I am yet again asking the olympics to simply let a regular non athlete person do the…

November 2, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, then don’t go. It’s a running joke”

A "running joke" was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 25, 2018: "Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I…

May 2, 2016
Sports/Games

“I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii”

Nintendo's Wii is a home video game console. The name sounds like the French word "oui" (meaning "yes"), prompting a pun: "I asked a Frenchman if he played video…

August 14, 2019
Art/Sculpture

“I asked a museum worker if I could take pictures. He said they stay on the walls”

Are museum visitors allowed to take pictures? A joke was posted on Twitter by Bytown Museum on June 16, 2019: "I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take…

April 2, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I asked a Walmart worker where I could find the nuts. He said they’re in the toilet paper aisle”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic created panic buying of toilet paper. "I asked the Assistant at Tesco where I could find the nuts. She said, 'They are all in the toilet paper aisle…

June 23, 2025
Food/DrinkRestaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I asked for their signature dish, but was disappointed. All they gave me was the chef’s autograph on a plate”

A "signature dish" means a chef's specialty. It doesn't mean a dish that is signed by a chef, but there are jokes. "What do you call an autographed plate? A signature…

January 24, 2026
Time/WeatherWork/Businesses

“I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day. He said ‘only if you make up the time’...”

When an employee has to "make up the time," that means, for example, staying late until a job is done. It doesn't mean making up a fictional time, but there are jokes. "I asked…

May 2, 2016
Food/Drink

“I asked my caddie for a sand wedge…” (golf joke)

Golfers sometimes joke about inexperienced caddies who confuse a "sand wedge" with a "sandwich." Puerto Rican professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez often joked: "I asked my…

May 3, 2016
Sports/Games

“I asked my caddie for a sand wedge…” (golf joke)

Golfers sometimes joke about inexperienced caddies who confuse a "sand wedge" with a "sandwich." Puerto Rican professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez often joked: "I asked my…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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