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March 21, 2022
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cold cucumber?”/“A cucumbrrr.”

What's the coldest vegetable? A cucumbrrr? Brrroccoli? A chili (chilly) pepper? Iceberg lettuce? An arctichoke? "Broccoli is probably the coldest vegetable out there" was posted on…

May 10, 2018
Food/DrinkPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?”/“A chili dog on a bun.”

A dog (hot dog) riddle is: Q: What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?A: A chili dog on a bun. The joke was posted on the newsgroup bit.listserv.down-syn on August 29, 1997. Google…

April 25, 2018
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“What do you call a communist pirate ship?”/“The USS-ARRR.”

A pirate riddle is: Q: What do you call a communist pirate ship?A: The USS-ARRR. The "USS"/"USSR" pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 7, 2014. Wikipedia: United States…

March 5, 2016
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“What do you call a Communist sniper?”/“A Marxman.”

A popular Communist/Marxist pun is: Q: What do you call a Communist sniper?A: A Marxman (marksman). "What do you call a communist sniper? A marxman!" was cited on Twitter on February 28,…

June 4, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“What do you call a competition between lawyers?”/“A tourney at law.”

"Attorney at law" shouldn't be confused with "a tourney at law," but there are puns. "Who called it a single elimination legal competition and not a tourney at…

December 14, 2019
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“What do you call a computer mouse that swears?”/“A cursor.”

A computer riddle has been cited in print since at least 2012: Q: What do you call a mouse that swears?A: A cursor. The word "computer" was added in this version on Twitter by Olivia…

August 10, 2018
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“What do you call a cook who becomes a lawyer?”/“A sue chef.”

A sous-chef de cuisine (French for “under-chef of the kitchen") shouldn’t be confused with a “sue” chef, but there are jokes. Some versions have it as when a cook becomes a lawyer,…

March 29, 2022
Food/Drink

“What do you call a couple of asses in an asparagus patch?”/“Ass pair I guess.”

"Asparagus" can sound like "ass pair I guess." "Word for the day: ASS PAIR I GUESS Eat some and turn on the fan when you tinkle" was posted on Twitter by Sheriff Opie…

November 27, 2021
Work/Businesses

“What do you call a coupon-using vampire?”/“Discount.”

Count Dracula (the title character of Bram Stoker's 1897 gothic horror novel Dracula) has nothing to do with discounts, but there are jokes. "The cheapest vampire? Dis-Count Dracula"…

November 7, 2017
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow during an earthquake?”/“A milk shake.”

A cow riddle is: Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?A: A milk shake. Forms of the riddle have been cited in print since at least 1967 and 1983. “What do you call a cow in a…

August 4, 2020
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow in a tornado?”/“A milk shake.”

A cow riddle is: Q: What do you call a cow in a tornado?A: A milk shake. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. “What do you call a cow during an earthquake?"/"A milk…

November 7, 2017
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow on a trampoline?”/“A milk shake.”

A cow riddle is: Q: What do you call a cow on a trampoline?A: A milk shake. Versions of the riddle have been cited in print since at least 1996. “What do you call a cow during an…

February 12, 2018
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow on stilts?”/“Raising the steaks.”

A cow riddle is: Q: What do you call a cow on stilts?A: Raising the steaks. "The steaks are too high" punchline was posted on the newsgroup uk.rec.motorcycles on June 21, 2005. Google…

October 20, 2016
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?”/“A milk dud.”

A popular riddle about Milk Duds candy is: Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?A: A milk dud. The joke was cited in print in 1972. A slightly different version was posted on…

October 5, 2017
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow that just gave birth?”/“Decaffeinated.”

A decaffeinated coffee riddle has been cited in print since at least 1981: Q: What do you call a cow that loses its calf?A: Decaffeinated. The joke has been printed on several images. The joke has…

September 22, 2017
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?”/“Cacao.”

"Cacao: a way to say cow with a stutter" was posted on Twitter on December 24, 2011. A riddle form of this was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 21, 2017: Q: What do you call a cow…

May 18, 2016
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow with a twitch?”/“Beef jerky.”

A popular joke about beef jerky is: Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?A: Beef jerky. There are slight variations in the first line of the joke, but the "beef jerky" answer is always…

July 11, 2017
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow with five legs?”/“Rare.”

Popular cow riddles are: “What do you call a cow with no legs?"/"Ground beef.”“What do you call a cow with one leg?"/"Steak.”“What do you call a cow with two…

July 19, 2018
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow with no legs?”/“Crippled.”

“What do you call a cow with no legs?"/"Ground beef" is a popular cow riddle. There is an anti-joke riddle. "What do you call a cow with no legs? Severely crippled" was…

December 20, 2015
Food/Drink

“What do you call a cow with no legs?”/“Ground beef.”

Popular cow riddles are: “What do you call a cow with one leg?"/"Steak.”“What do you call a cow with two legs?"/"Your mom.”“What do you call a cow with two/three…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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