“There’s only one thing about Halloween that scares me.”/“Which is?”
"Witches" sounds like "which is." "RT @timbuckteeth: Halloween is only good for one thing. Which is...." was posted on Twitter by Darcy Moore on October 31, 2009.…
“This Christmas instead of gifts, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited”
"Instead of presents this year, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited" (or "This Christmas/year instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited")…
“This Valentine’s Day, I will almost certainly be inundated. Sorry. In, undated”
The word "inundated" is sometimes punned as "in, undated." "Ever since I joined one of those 'love match' sites I've been inundated. Sorry, that should have…
“This year instead of gifts, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited”
"Instead of presents this year, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited" (or "This Christmas/year instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited")…
“Three phrases that sum up Christmas: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included”
A popular Christmas saying printed on many images is: "Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included." The jocular line has been…
“To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas, they’re due back at the library next Friday”
"To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library next Friday. Thank you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The joke…
“To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays… Put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch”
"Need to get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays? Put it in Amazon boxes and leave it on your front porch" is a jocular saying that has been printed on may images. That is, people…
“Today is International Women’s Day” (joke)
International Women's Day is on March 8th; a Women's Day was celebrated in New York City on February 28, 1909. A joke has been printed on several images: "Today is International…
“Trimming the tree with happy hearts, that’s the way the holiday starts”
A Christmas tree saying has several small variations: "Trimming the tree with happy hearts, that's the way the holiday starts.""Trimming the tree with happy hearts, that's…
“Trunk or Treat” (“trick or treat” from a vehicle’s trunk)
"Trunk or Treat" is a variation of "trick or treat" from a vehicle's trunk. Google Groups: alt.religion.mormon Whats "appropriate" in the chapel??…
“Two tips for Christmas: 1. Forget the past. You can’t change it. 2. Forget the present. I didn’t get you one”
"Two tips for Christmas: 1. Forget the past. You can't change it. 2. Forget the present. I didn't get you one" is a joke that has been printed on many images. There is a pun on…
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is”
A Valentine's Day saying has been printed on several images: "Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.: The saying was posted to…
“Well at least I can pretend that the dark circles around my eyes are for Halloween”
Some people have dark circles around their eyes -- naturally perfect for Halloween. "My new meds made me feel like a zombie this morning. The dark circles under my eyes are a great prep for…
“What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?”/“The letter G.”
A popular Thanksgiving riddle is: Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?A: The letter "g." The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2006, when it was included on a web…
“What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?”/“It’s Christmas, Eve.”
A popular Christmas riddle is: Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?A: "It's Christmas, Eve." The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1977. The joke sometimes has…
“What did I get for Christmas? Fat. I got fat”
"What did I get for Christmas? Fat. I got fat" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "Knows what i'm getting for christmas: fat" was posted on Twitter by…
“What did one Christmas tree say to another?”/“Lighten up!”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What did one Christmas tree say to another? A: Lighten up! "What did the Christmas tree say to the string of bulbs when they were sad? Lighten up! #christmas…
“What did St. Patrick say to the snakes?”/“He told them to ‘hiss off!’”
A St. Patrick's Day joke about Saint Patrick is: Q: What did St. Patrick say to the snakes?A: He told them to "hiss off!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001.…
“What did the Christmas tree say to the light bulb when it was sad?”/“Lighten up!”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What did one Christmas tree say to another? A: Lighten up! "What did the Christmas tree say to the string of bulbs when they were sad? Lighten up! #christmas…
“What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?”/“Horn-aments.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?A: Horn-aments. The "ornaments"/"hornaments" pun has been cited in print since at least 2006. Boards.ie…