“I bought my mom a fridge for Christmas” (joke)
Faces "light up" when people receive gifts. Steve Toyne posted on Twitter on November 5, 2010 and reposted as a Christmas joke on December 22, 2014: "I bought my girlfriend a fridge…
“I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons. You make me sick!”
A Valentine's Day joke is: GIRL: I can't be your valentine for medical reasons.BOY: Really?GIRL: Yeah, you make me sick! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1999. 14 February…
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way” (joke)
American comedian Jon Stewart said on The Jon Stewart Show: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…
“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day”
A jocular saying about Valentine's Day has been printed on many images: "I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the…
“I found a way to get rid of some unwanted junk during the holidays. Put it in an Amazon box. Leave it on the porch”
"Need to get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays? Put it in Amazon boxes and leave it on your front porch" is a jocular saying that has been printed on may images. That is, people…
“I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner”
"I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The line was posted to the newsgroup…
“I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single”
"I just saved a bunch of money (on Valentine's Day) by switching to single" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I just saved a bunch of money on…
“I know how to do anything. I’m a mom”
"I know how to do anything. I'm a mom" is a popular Mother's Day quotation that has been printed on many images. American actress and comedian Roseanne Barr said it on the…
“I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes”
Many people put up Christmas decorations in stages. "I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes" was…
“I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with snacks and stare at the boxes”
Many people put up Christmas decorations in stages. "I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes" was…
“I once went to Kohl’s on Christmas Eve” (joke)
Kohl's is an American department store retail chain. It is usually extremely busy on Christmas Eve. "Working at Kohl's on Christmas Eve two years ago was seriously the worst thing…
“I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, ‘moist’”
The word "moist" makes some people uncomfortable. This was posted on X/Twitter by Rodney Lacroix on November 20, 2023: "I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to…
“I tell dad jokes, but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa”
"Faux pas" is sometimes punned as "faux pa." The pun is especially frequent on Father's Day. "A friend tried to tell me recently that I'm not allowed to make dad…
“I think the holidays are a wonderful time for drinking”
Two related drinking sayings have been printed on many images: "I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.""I…
“I was gonna start dieting, but Halloween is coming up, then Thanksgiving and Christmas candy…”
Holidays can interfere with dieting. "I was gonna start dieting, but Halloween is coming up, then Thanksgiving and Christmas candy. Before you know it, it's BBQ season again and I'm…
“I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, Ghost of Christmas Present and Ghost of Christmas Past Participle. It was a tense night”
A Christmas Carol (1843) is a novella by Charles Dickens. Ebenezer Scrooge, an elderly miser, is visited by the ghost of his former business partner Jacob Marley and the spirits of Christmas Past,…
“I-rish you a very nice place to live, I-rish God’s greatest gifts he’ll give…”
An Irish poem (popular on St. Patrick's Day) is: "I-rish you a very nice place to live,I-rish God's greatest gifts he'll give.I-rish you health, and wealth, and more--I-rish…
“I’m not saying I’m old…but when I was in school we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas”
"I'm not saying I'm old...but when I was in school we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Making ashtrays was a popular…
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th”
"I'm only a morning person on December 25th" is a Christmas saying that has been printed on many images. People like to wake up early and check out their Christmas presents.…