“Happy whatever doesn’t offend you” (greeting)
"Happy whatever doesn't offend you" is a greeting appropriate for all holidays and all religions that has been printed in many images. "Merry Christmas," for example, might…
“Have to love Easter, baby” (pun on “Hasta la vista, baby”)
"Hasta la vista, baby" is a famous line that actor Arnold Schwarzenegger used in the film Terminator 2: Judgment Day. A holiday pun, "Have to love East, baby," has been printed…
“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree”
"He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree." was cited in the Evening World-Herald (Omaha, NE) in a 1946 listing for the First Lutheran Church. "He…
“He who thanks with lips thanks but in part; the full, the true Thanksgiving comes from the heart”
A Thanksgiving rhyme has been printed on many images: "He who thanks but with the lipsThanks but in part;The full, the true Thanksgiving Comes from the heart." The short poem is from…
“Holiday anxiety is the most festive of all the anxieties”
"Holiday anxiety is the most festive of all the anxieties" was posted on X/Twitter by 🌴Sardonic Tart🌴 on December 3, 2014, and this received over 2,300 likes. “It’s almost time…
“Holiday Rules: 1. Do not go into debt trying to show people how much you love them…”
Three jocular "Christmas Rules" (sometimes titled "Thanksgiving Rules" or "Holiday Rules") have been printed on many images. These "Holiday Rules" were…
“How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?”/“He’s Dublin over with laughter!”
A popular St. Patrick's Day riddle is: Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?A: He's Dublin (doubling) over with laughter! The joke has been cited in print since at…
“How did Santa kill a dragon?”/“He sleighed it.”
"Sleighed" sounds like "slayed." A Christmas riddle was posted on Twitter by galarian emolga on May 6, 2016: Q: How did Santa kill a dragon?A: He sleighed it. "Santa hit a…
“How do fish celebrate Christmas?”/“By hanging reefs on the door.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How do fish celebrate Christmas?A: By hanging reefs on the door. The reefs/wreaths pun has been cited in print since at least 2004. Google BooksCrazy Christmas JokesBy…
“How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas?”/“With oar-naments.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas? A: With oar-naments. The Christmas joke has been cited in print since at least 2005. Google BooksCrazy Christmas JokesBy Alison…
“How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day?”/“Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve.”
There is Christmas Eve (December 24th), then Christmas Day (December 25th), and then Boxing Day (December 26th) in the United Kingdom. A riddle is: Q: How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing…
“How do you make Easter easier?”/“Replace the t with an i.”
An Easter riddle is: Q: How do you make Easter easier?A: Replace the t with an i. The joke was posted on Twitter on April 22, 2011. TwitterMirai 🐘 @_mirai_RT @MrsStephenFry: Handy hint: How…
“How do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?”/“Oh, I just tell him he’s going to die.”
"Preparing" a turkey usually means cooking instructions, but not according to a Thanksgiving/Christmas turkey joke. This was posted on the newsgoup Google Groups: alt.humor on December…
“How does Easter end?”/“With the letter R.”
An Easter riddle is: Q: How does Easter end?A: With the letter R. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.smouldering.dog.zone on April 20, 2003. Google Groups: alt.smouldering.dog.zoneThe Easter…
“How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?”/“He keeps a log book.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?A: He keeps a log book. The "log book" pun has been cited in print since at least December 6,…
“Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them”
"Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by Just Bill on…
“I bought my mom a fridge for Christmas” (joke)
Faces "light up" when people receive gifts. Steve Toyne posted on Twitter on November 5, 2010 and reposted as a Christmas joke on December 22, 2014: "I bought my girlfriend a fridge…
“I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons. You make me sick!”
A Valentine's Day joke is: GIRL: I can't be your valentine for medical reasons.BOY: Really?GIRL: Yeah, you make me sick! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1999. 14 February…
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way” (joke)
American comedian Jon Stewart said on The Jon Stewart Show: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…