“If nominated I will not accept, and if elected I will not serve”
"If nominated I will not accept/run, (and) if elected I will not serve" is the famous "Sherman statement" on declining to run for political office, but William Tecumseh Sherman…
“If not us, who? If not now, when?”
"If not us, who? If not now, when?" This quotation is similar to what Rabbi Hillel the Elder wrote in the Pirkay Avot: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for…
“If only closed minds came with closed mouths”
"If only closed minds came with closed mouths" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF ONLY CLOSED MINDS CAME WITH CLOSED MOUTHS," credited to Nicole Aitoro of New…
“If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad…”
"Taxation without representation is tyranny" was a slogan of the American Revolution. A modern version of the saying is: "If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was…
“If people can’t be trusted to govern themselves, how can they be trusted to govern others?”
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others?" was said by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) at his…
“If people cannot be trusted to govern themselves, how can they be trusted to govern other people?”
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others?" was said by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) at his…
“If police are really here to protect us, the entire government would be in prison”
"If police are really here to protect us, the entire government would be in prison" (or "If the police were here to protect us, the entire government would be arrested") is a…
“If printing money would end poverty, printing diplomas would end stupidity”
"Pensar que imprimiendo billetes se acaba con la pobreza es como pensar que imprimiendo diplomas se acaba con la ignorancia" ("Thinking that printing banknotes ends poverty is like…
“If prisoners took their own mug shots, they would be called ‘cellfies’”
"Do prisoners take cellfies?" was posted on Twitter by Michael Willits on August 27, 2013. "Cellfie" (cell + selfie) is a portmanteau word. "party-in-the-morgue:…
“If pro and con are opposites, is Congress the opposite of progress?”
A popular pro/con joke goes: "If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con,' what's the opposite of progress?" The joke about Congress dates to at least 1880, when it was…
“If pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of the Constitution is prostitution”
A popular pro/con joke goes: "If pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of the Constitution is prostitution." "The opposite of Constitution is Prostitution" was cited in…
“If regular guns are firearms, squirt guns should be called waterarms”
"If regular guns are firearms, squirt guns should be called waterarms" was posted on Twitter by [Cat face]ri-Warui on October 24, 2017. "If guns are firearms, then are squirt guns…
“If religious schools teach religion and trade schools teach trade, then what do state schools teach?”
What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…
“If science was never questioned, you’d still be drinking cocaine…”
"If science was never questioned, you’d still be drinking cocaine, giving kids cough syrup with heroin, spraying people with DDT, and smoking the cigarette brand your doctor…
“If sheep could vote, they’d pick the guy who feeds them”
"If sheep could vote" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. The sheep would vote for the person who feeds them and fattens them up, not realizing that this is the…
“If someone is videotaping a person in a mask, is that a masking tape?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in some requirements to wear face masks. Masking tape is not necessarily just for face masks, but there are jokes. "If I tear my mask, can I use…
“If someone’s job requires an ‘appreciation week’ it means they’re not getting paid enough”
"If someone's job requires an 'appreciation week' it means they're not getting paid enough" (or "If your job comes with an 'appreciation week,' you’re…
“If statists can’t even fix potholes effectively, how can they promise to fix an entire planet?”
"Statism is the belief that a group of people who can't fix potholes can fix an entire planet" is an anti-government saying that has been pritned on several images. "STATISM IS…
“If stealing 100% of the product of someone’s labor is slavery, at what percentage is it not?”
"Slavery: If stealing 100% of the product of someone's labor is slavery, at what percentage is it not slavery?" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying is…
“If stupidity got us into this mess, why can’t it get us out?”
"If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?" is a silly saying that doesn't fully make sense -- getting out of a mess is different than getting into one. The…